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Array ( [sid] => 143362 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => My Underworld [time] => 2008-06-20 00:24:43 [hometext] => since i was young i wanted to become a writer but i don't have this talent. I always wanted to show my emotions through poetry but i lack the words. I do hope you understand what i'm trying to say in this poem that i finally wrote that show my emotions. [bodytext] => Worn out tears,
built up fears.

I lack the courage,
courage is full to the brim,
yet there's no space for anymore.

The roots of anger
the roots of grief
the roots of fear,
struggle me to death
shortness of breath.

Sick of the underworld,
sick of the outerworld.

And like a little snail,
sensitive to any foreign touch,
I retract back to my shell. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 198 [topic] => 48 [informant] => funkgirl93 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

My Underworld

Contributed by funkgirl93 on Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 12:24:43 AM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

Worn out tears,
built up fears.

I lack the courage,
courage is full to the brim,
yet there's no space for anymore.

The roots of anger
the roots of grief
the roots of fear,
struggle me to death
shortness of breath.

Sick of the underworld,
sick of the outerworld.

And like a little snail,
sensitive to any foreign touch,
I retract back to my shell.

Copyright © funkgirl93 ... [ 2008-06-20 00:24:43]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: My Underworld (User Rating: 1 )
by wheels on Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 04:58:00 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Don't set your self short.
You have talent in your imagery. i like the manner in which you break your lines into phrases where pause is meant. It kinda been my favorite method as well.

Keep writing - you may surprise yourself.

In any case i really like it.

doc

Re: My Underworld (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 05:40:23 AM AEST
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I liked your poem and would like to read more. Writing is an expression of who we are. Your poem made me feel your emptiness, sadness and shyness. That's what good poetry does. Keep writing.....Mike

Hint: spellcheck

Re: My Underworld (User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_K on Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 07:25:12 AM AEST
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Hey..you are well on your way to fulfilling your childhood dreams.!!.. You have made the first step with this write..and like Mike said, poetry makes the reader feel... and I did feel your emotions in this..... Don't stop here....
Jenni

Re: My Underworld (User Rating: 1 )
by Supercreep on Friday, 20th June 2008 @ 05:30:54 PM AEST
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Snail image is particularly good. Well chosen. I love snails, v beautiful graceful and slow things.. On the subject of your ambition to write, the truth is I reckon it's more important to have something to write ABOUT (as you so obviously have) than any great talent. Most of us get better as we familiarise ourselves with this mode of commication and re-read and read ours and other's work.. So go for it!

Cheers,
SC

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