 |
Poems On Site: 198,500+ Comments On Poems: 427,000+ Forum Posts: 105,000+ |
Custom Search
|
|
|
||||
| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 29-May 15:17:08 AEST | ||
|
|
||||
|
|
||||
|
|
||||
|
Array
(
[sid] => 143333
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Releasing my heart (my true story)
[time] => 2008-06-19 02:39:47
[hometext] => a understanding of why i am who i am its long and i am sorry i just have to get this off my chest as i release my heart
[bodytext] => Love a word used everyday with millions knowing its meaning I was born like any normal person in this new world buy parents who did not love each other Mother a woman who blamed her little boy for everything that went wrong in her life A form of abuse most people don't talk about constant yelling from morning to night all day long Father a truck driver was never home brothers and sisters ran years before from the evil that is called mom Alone small hiding in a closet covering ears crying screaming shut up shut up I never loved her and no respect for the father who never came home Starting to grow and nurture in that type of environment was hard Many people would become violent or angry at woman I just loved School was always a problem being the only child who really didn't disrespect women Or try to sleep with as many but also never loved a woman so never understanding how Gay is what they called me But in my heart that was not the case farthest from the truth I was angry more at my self then any single person as to this date 34 years and never raised his fists in anger Never hit anyone never shown abuse never scotched feelings by words I was my worst enemy From age eleven that’s when the first started torments from school being trapped in that house The wrists started to bleed All I wanted was attention but when I showed her she did not care A little child with bleeding arms As I grew older the pain grew it became worse I evolved into hitting trees and brick walls Never wanting to harm anyone not even her but I new I had to run So I did from 14 to 19 I ran on the streets Innocent blue eyes blond hair you people cried and gave me money You feed me and clothed me always wanting to take me away and me thank you for that But life was something I did not want I was destructive drugs living on the street never backing down from telling the truth but getting beaten all the same My nose broken my teeth kicked out but you fixed that and I still walked still with love Five years later and a newer man (still nothing but a child in mind) I returned to the house of my terror Quiet was all that I got the guilt on the faces of those two was to much to bare I went for a drink As much pain that happened I was always a fun guy always able to make anyone laugh The owner of the bar noticed me and came to talk This is when I meet you my love You walked in to my bar the boss looked at me and smiled oh what a pig he was He whispered I get her first I was suppose to train her on witnessing but when we locked eyes I got my first taste of love She was beautiful long hair deep brown eyes and I felt her heart from across the bar We talked all night then after work we went down to your house and talked all night She told me her story full of fright and abusive men She also told me that she was married Well threw my life I only had one love that was god He was my everything he was on every word I spoke His book told me about love and family and about adultery But the presence in that room that night was not as simple I fell so hard I figured friends will be good if only that But she also was having troubles she felt the same way love at first site We tried to be friends over a few weeks it was so hard on both of us Then we got drunk Love passion pure and utter ecstasy She left her husband we moved in both religious both so much in love Both filled with so much guilt She only wanting to do right for god and for her family I feeling like a demon who came house wrecking But I was hooked it was a pure drug for me this love thing Off and on for four years we tried you with low self esteem Me becoming jealous because you were so use to flirting oh men lusted after you The pain inside me never left and with this new onslaught of emotional abuse I left Wimping out is a better meaning and I crushed her heart I ran back to the street only now wanting to die even more the drugs almost got But being so strong I survived only fate knows why I smartened up and called the folks they told me she is looking for you She went back to her husband and moved two provinces away but she left a number When I called one of the hardest days of my life she answered with tears in her eyes She misses me and wants no other man me I never touched one woman after leaving her A year we were away then back again in her arms But she was still married and her husband let me in with open arms We tried to be friends for awhile but when love is so strong that failed so quickly You left him again we moved got our own place and tried to begin again But guilt never leaves when you try to walk with the lord We survived for a year but things started to fall apart Coming home from work and always men around They loved her adored her but as she explained to me why worry its you I go to bed with She did not understand the love I felt And ran again I did I looked at her and said you will never find me again I walked for ten years living an asexual life wanting only to help sex was the last thing on my mind Ten years single sex I had but without meaning always leaving right after to show no signs of emotion I found love with her and without her I did not want any other love They called me gay I pursued intellect and knowledge showing that you can give without taking So alone but always with friends I never had a enemy if you sit close you can feel why I radiate love my eyes so gentle my heart so clean Ten years walking talking helping others when they fall never caring about my life I settled in a city called Calgary I tried to have a normal life with a job and a home I tried five times to take my life living there All five I should never walked away from and the last I am sure I died But a week of near death and I woke up and walked away Now with a new understanding of life (it will net let me take the easy way) I started walking again I left for a city called Victoria that’s where I found the hidden island I am living on I found a place of love and wisdom not violence not really crime just a place of peace All this time I was writing to the world to you yelling my woes to all who can read From libraries and schools where they gave free internet Never really did school spelling and grammar so alien to me but with a mind so smart I tried my best to talk to the world but how hard to speak your mind when you don't even know how to form a sentence I designed computers built homes living with a photographic memory never being able to forget But can not place a damn comma I drove you crazy like I am right now bad grammar but you still read and listened Then last week happened a little different I always not able to justify spending money on anything but helping others someone gave me a laptop My friend bob he liked my writing and decided to be a nice friend What a wonderful man I sat there alone looking at this shinny machine my roommate asked if she could use it She was on this site called face book a place to find lost friends I tried it I typed her name There on the screen my love of my life my only joy the only thing in life I truly wanted I clicked friend request and sat and waited She answered it and asked me to call She told me how she got remarried a year after I left How she lasted 7 years with this abusive man then she left only to find more abuse She told me she was single now and living in a home for battered woman She was also 200 miles away For five days I waited for her to get a new place to live so I can visit No men are allowed in that place I left the first day of her new home it took me three hours to get there We talked about life and the things that happened but the wall she built around her was tall and thick It was hard listening to her talk about men all day I told her good night and I went to bed She asked me whets wrong and I told her the truth We cried and then we looked deep into each others eyes I saw something in there I have not seen in all those years it was my heart We stayed up all night holding each other no sex just closeness Telling each other the pain from losing each other My love as I call her she said yes baby I told her I will never leave her again if she will only be mine true love like ours does not even happen in stories I told her I dropped the guilt I walked away from the lord that I blame him for us splitting up she says she understands All she cares about is us My love you have been the only woman for me I never showed any love to any other woman And now your here right now And all i am doing is releasing my heart [comments] => 6 [counter] => 413 [topic] => 31 [informant] => lostrelic [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 35 [ratings] => 7 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => StoryPoetry )
|
Menu
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. ©
Opinions expressed in the poetry, comments, forums etc. on this site are not necessarily those of this site, its owners and/or operators; but of the individuals who post items to this site.
Frequently Asked Questions | | | Privacy Policy | | | Contact Webmaster
All submitted items are Copyright © to their submitter. All the rest Copyright © 2002-2050 by Your Poetry Dot Com
All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owners.
Script Generation Time: 0.052 Seconds. - View our Site Map | .© your-poetry.com