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Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 29-May 16:29:13 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 142300
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I don't want to loose you
[time] => 2008-05-11 14:45:18
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => You tell me it was easier when you were putting pain on your skin You tell me that love was easier, when everyone just left you alone And I tell you that I cant’ stop thinking about the pain The self-inflicted bubble that surrounded my room I want to tell you everything, which I told you miraculously in the beginning Until you told me that what we had in the past, well, it’s the past And I silently cried I break free for a moment as the scribbling increases and I stand wanting What do I want? Is it the pain? No, no more pain for me, I have outgrown it like keds Is it the wanting? No, I am happy not wanting or needing anything today I am in the shower trying to scrub away this new found change, I dislike wanting Yet I need to figure this out Shaving, putting the razor to the skin, soap, squeeze, and then I notice a spot of blood Mistake of course, but I feel something that I have never felt before Relief What do I want? I want the blood I am naked in my private corridor Wondering if Rachel will ever call me I am fat, I say I am worthless The red says, “You haven’t been doing work all week, you are pathetic.” And I say ok The red says, “Your body is a canvas, paint, show them what you’ve got.” So I take out a marker And begin to draw Only one aspect of my life tells me to do it He calls me and tells me to pick up the scissors and make a long line Because there is really nothing else you can control And things have been out of control in your mind for so long I try so hard to physically move the thought I want it to go away But my knees are buckling and I am going down Thinking about that test in math Trying so hard to not think of the bubble Wanting my wrists to just scream and let out the anger But I cannot find an outlit so I write I put the pen to the page “I need you.” She said With her mouth open wide Wanting me to put my lips to her lips This is the wanting I like She lay down in her bed and I sit and watch I know what I am going to do, but am too afraid to admit it She is ready, and I am ready Sp I walk out of the door just to make her want and need We are pressing lips together We are putting our hands together We are touching our life together And I feel as though the sky is painting something just for us I pull away, afraid to react to what I just did Felt as forbidden as putting the knife to the wrist So I walk out of the door, again Our butterflies, we kept them hidden until we let them out in the bathroom I touched that bathroom, girl, and suddenly it was over My head didn’t rush, my eyes stayed level, I didn’t faint or crash I just Looked And I didn’t even think of you It’s been exactly one year since we did this And I would be lying to you if I said I don’t think about it when I have pain in my heart But once and for all I would like to tell you That I loved you with a passion I was completely, utterly, incapably in love with you But the train has stopped And I have to climb aboard I don’t want to ever loose you But I have lost you so many times All I can say is that when the rubber-band doesn’t work And the room gets smaller I find you in the smallest rhymes The tiniest letters It’s okay young girl You are saved As for me? I must be heading down into the cellar Pick up a new knife Find my way to the bathroom Put the metal to the skin Fantasy Yet reality is creeping in I must say goodbye before I completely collapse Forgive me I am not strong But I am getting there I am getting there [comments] => 4 [counter] => 2479 [topic] => 73 [informant] => juliestevens18 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => abstract )
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