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Array
(
[sid] => 139785
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => I Ache and Wonder
[time] => 2008-01-14 13:31:33
[hometext] => I wrote this poem five years ago. Five years later I still sobbed preparing it for submission. It tells of a father's ache and a child's pain.
[bodytext] => Yesterday left me wounded; my scarred heart was once again torn. Today, I'm painfully soft with the memory. You sang to us as we drove through the snow to the big building. You sat confidently in my lap as we waited with all the people in the room with books, magazines and a t.v. We put together puzzles, and you told me the colors and the numbers. You carefully put the pieces in their places; places where they felt safe and secure; their home. Because of the many times before, you anticipated the pain... but you trusted us; you trusted Mommy and me. You trusted us. Yes, you trusted us, and then I carried you through the doors. Daddy carried you through the doors, and with mounting concern in your voice you kept saying: "Aw' dun." "Ready go car." "Aw' dun." "Ready go car," over and over and over. But we didn't go home. We exchanged your clothes for that little cotton gown, and you said: "Hey!" "Bop dat!" "Hey!" "Bop dat!" But we didn't. Then the lady in dull green came in to give you a red teddy bear, and weigh you, and listen to your heart, and hold your wrist, and give you that juicy red stuff, and you meekly let her. Then when you were drowsy, the dull green lady came in again; she felt your arm; she put a big rubber band on your arm, and the terror crept into your eyes, and you struggled, the tears flowed, as you pleaded: "Bop dat!" "L' m' lone!" "Aw dun!" "Bop!" "Peeze!" "Bop dat!" "L' m' lone!" "Bop!" "Peeze!" But your mommy and daddy, the ones you trusted; we let it continue. My face was inches from yours; your eyes were wide with fear as through our tears I kissed your nose, traced your eyebrows, and repeated over and over and over: "I Love you!" "I Love you!" "I Love you!" Your pleading eyes, welling with tears, searched mine; searching for some shadow of hope, some speck of safety; for protection... You found none. I was holding you; not a customary comforting embrace, but a restraining grasp; a frightening force... I didn't have to see the needle cut into your arm to know the moment it did; I could tell by your face, your eyes; completely betrayed, your features utterly crumpled in painful disbelief; precious tears bathed your soft innocent cheeks; your cry reverberated to the very throne of God, but even that was ignored... The pain was well beyond your repertoire of words: Ready go car, Hey, L' m' lone, Aw' dun, Bop dat, Bop, Peeze; Nobody seemed to be listening anyway... Today, the day after, you play, you watch videos, you eat and drink, you cuddle in my arms as I rock you to sleep, you still call my name in the middle of the night, but, I wonder... with wet eyes and crumpled face, I ache and wonder. rko december six, two thousand, two [comments] => 3 [counter] => 346 [topic] => 21 [informant] => enigma [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 6 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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