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Array ( [sid] => 139760 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => For So Long. [time] => 2008-01-13 00:29:31 [hometext] => i know i could go on writing but i figured that this is too long already. it's written in rhyme, though is a story of my past. please comment, [bodytext] => For so long I’ve been lost because you lied.
For so long I’ve been scared, and had nowhere to hide.
For So long I’ve been living in realistic, inhumane ways.
Because i was terrified of seeing you if i came home again.

For So long our dad was mad and hating me for speaking.
For so long he shut me out, believing i was lying.
For so long I’d cry myself to sleep until i didn’t feel at all.
For so long I’d cut my self to sleep because i felt so small.

For so long i lived in broken homes,
as anything was better than living with you.
And nobody wanted to believe me when i said,
That in there i was abused too.

For so long i never had any friends,
and never believed i was worth it.
You see, you killed my feeling and broke my love,
That first time you decided to do it.

For so long i slipped through reality,
As no one understood me.
Because you refused to admit to it.
... leaving EVERYONE judging me!

Days turning into months.
Months turned into years.
You finally admitted it.
Digging up all my settled traumatised tears.

Our family hugged and loved you.
Shutting me away.
They said i was welcome too.
But i was in a suicidal state.
And felt to alone to engage...

People said they were shocked.
That first time i took 40 pills.
They said its not normal activity,
For a 14 year old girl.

Weeks turned into months,
Months into a full year.
In the end they sectioning me.
Where i was locked further inside my fears.

They took me out of hospital.
And led me into a world of violence.
Then left me to rot before i got hooked,
And refused to give me guidance.

And you lived the better life.
Living with a safe roof over your head!
You lived with people loving you.
And got rapped instead.

Pain consumed my life,
And leaked into things that worked.
My family didn’t want to help.
I honestly had no worth.

I tried to topped myself.
I walked in front of cars.
I tried to bleed to death.
But my attempts didn’t get that far.
Even though doctors once used C.P.R.

Now things are better.
Because things no longer hurt.
But you say you’re feeling bitter.
And it’s YOU that holds no worth.

You say you should have been punished,
But yet you never were.
So you punish yourself.
Because you say it’s the pain’s that you deserve.

You said you don’t deserve forgiveness.
That you need to go to ‘prison’.
That you need to get ‘stabbed while to sleep’.
Because you are a dark poison.

You say you live a horrible life,
but you keep it horrible on purpose.
Because you deserve to ‘rot in hell’.
After the damage and pain you caused then left wide open.

You said you don’t deserve to live,
But that suicide’s the easy way escape.
So you will live an unbearable life,
Praying I’ll feel real one day.
[comments] => 4 [counter] => 397 [topic] => 61 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )

For So Long.

Contributed by deathdrop on Sunday, 13th January 2008 @ 12:29:31 AM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

For so long I’ve been lost because you lied.
For so long I’ve been scared, and had nowhere to hide.
For So long I’ve been living in realistic, inhumane ways.
Because i was terrified of seeing you if i came home again.

For So long our dad was mad and hating me for speaking.
For so long he shut me out, believing i was lying.
For so long I’d cry myself to sleep until i didn’t feel at all.
For so long I’d cut my self to sleep because i felt so small.

For so long i lived in broken homes,
as anything was better than living with you.
And nobody wanted to believe me when i said,
That in there i was abused too.

For so long i never had any friends,
and never believed i was worth it.
You see, you killed my feeling and broke my love,
That first time you decided to do it.

For so long i slipped through reality,
As no one understood me.
Because you refused to admit to it.
... leaving EVERYONE judging me!

Days turning into months.
Months turned into years.
You finally admitted it.
Digging up all my settled traumatised tears.

Our family hugged and loved you.
Shutting me away.
They said i was welcome too.
But i was in a suicidal state.
And felt to alone to engage...

People said they were shocked.
That first time i took 40 pills.
They said its not normal activity,
For a 14 year old girl.

Weeks turned into months,
Months into a full year.
In the end they sectioning me.
Where i was locked further inside my fears.

They took me out of hospital.
And led me into a world of violence.
Then left me to rot before i got hooked,
And refused to give me guidance.

And you lived the better life.
Living with a safe roof over your head!
You lived with people loving you.
And got rapped instead.

Pain consumed my life,
And leaked into things that worked.
My family didn’t want to help.
I honestly had no worth.

I tried to topped myself.
I walked in front of cars.
I tried to bleed to death.
But my attempts didn’t get that far.
Even though doctors once used C.P.R.

Now things are better.
Because things no longer hurt.
But you say you’re feeling bitter.
And it’s YOU that holds no worth.

You say you should have been punished,
But yet you never were.
So you punish yourself.
Because you say it’s the pain’s that you deserve.

You said you don’t deserve forgiveness.
That you need to go to ‘prison’.
That you need to get ‘stabbed while to sleep’.
Because you are a dark poison.

You say you live a horrible life,
but you keep it horrible on purpose.
Because you deserve to ‘rot in hell’.
After the damage and pain you caused then left wide open.

You said you don’t deserve to live,
But that suicide’s the easy way escape.
So you will live an unbearable life,
Praying I’ll feel real one day.

Copyright Â© deathdrop ... [ 2008-01-13 00:29:31]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: For So Long. (User Rating: 1 )
by Yodo on Sunday, 13th January 2008 @ 05:36:03 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

sounds like your life has pretty much sucked so far. bummer.
It gets better though. Life is what you make of it, not what others make for you, though.

Re: For So Long. (User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on Sunday, 13th January 2008 @ 12:33:29 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is heartwrenching but you've told your story well.
hang tuff and always remember it wasn't your fault.
big huggs, prayer,
emy

Re: For So Long. (User Rating: 1 )
by MemeCaroline on Monday, 14th January 2008 @ 11:35:22 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Well, maybe people listened to the other person, but your poem tells your story well and we are hearing you. Perhaps you could give this poem to some of those who didn't hear the truth before. Be strong.

Re: For So Long. (User Rating: 1 )
by Fuzzy on Sunday, 15th November 2009 @ 09:19:05 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

just found this poem, hope all is well with you and in your life. very good poem
Take care

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