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Array ( [sid] => 139040 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Ghost: Soliloquy [time] => 2007-12-07 06:53:55 [hometext] => [bodytext] => I am suffocating, exhaustion,
let go your hold on me.
I need your strength now, I am lost,
shine brightly my way home (if there is one).
As one is false, another is true,
so let the truth be swept under my feet,
though I may stumble over it,
the voice of reason, and enforce my purpose,
twist it, bend it, break it,
that I might not succumb to rage,
fall by my own hands, committing deeds of vengeance,
and burn in the depths of Hell,
where the torment collided with time,
and the mysteries of life came to, with unknown intent,
banished me from the physical,
and left me to a damned grave until it withered away by the hands of time.
Oblivion, pester me no more!
Return to me the life, the breath, the touch, the taste.
Leave me in this state no longer... [comments] => 2 [counter] => 275 [topic] => 13 [informant] => Surfpup [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )

Ghost: Soliloquy

Contributed by Surfpup on Friday, 7th December 2007 @ 06:53:55 AM in AEST
Topic: DarkPoetry

I am suffocating, exhaustion,
let go your hold on me.
I need your strength now, I am lost,
shine brightly my way home (if there is one).
As one is false, another is true,
so let the truth be swept under my feet,
though I may stumble over it,
the voice of reason, and enforce my purpose,
twist it, bend it, break it,
that I might not succumb to rage,
fall by my own hands, committing deeds of vengeance,
and burn in the depths of Hell,
where the torment collided with time,
and the mysteries of life came to, with unknown intent,
banished me from the physical,
and left me to a damned grave until it withered away by the hands of time.
Oblivion, pester me no more!
Return to me the life, the breath, the touch, the taste.
Leave me in this state no longer...

Copyright © Surfpup ... [ 2007-12-07 06:53:55]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Ghost: Soliloquy (User Rating: 1 )
by TheGrimReapersHourglass on Friday, 7th December 2007 @ 08:34:54 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I Can Bend It I Can Shape It I Can Mold It Spank It-the one part that you wrote this came to mind,remember the one who appeared before me is more powerful than one thinks-We Broke Our Mirrors,comment from The Grim Reaper,DevilsPriest KnownAs LORD,Denver L.Jr.

Re: Ghost: Soliloquy (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Friday, 7th December 2007 @ 08:06:11 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I am not sure what the hell "spank thru" has to do with any of this. What a complete moron!

I liked your work very much here. Many lines stand out. The one criticism I would offer is that you might have rambled a bit. It seemed to have a good flow at the beginning then somewhere that tethered off. The lines themselves are powerful and seemingly original in their context. I would only suggest you excercise a little more self criticism. Because I think this could have been much more. You are definitely passionate and an all in all diamond in the rough with enormous talent.

Good Job! Keep Writing!

SCM

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