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| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 29-May 17:15:11 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 138369
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => if i had a heart
[time] => 2007-11-09 06:06:48
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => if i had a heart could it heal could it reveal any given truth behind every given move if i had a mind that never seemed to mind that everything you do never compliments what you say ____ but all i can say is that i met this guy, right?. he sorta meant a lot well he meant something that i never imagined could be of anything well, he meant so much in such a strange way someone ..well, the way i felt i can't explain... almost perfect... but not... well, back to what i was saying... he never stole my heart... but it poured out to him... since the moment i realized how i felt.. i knew it was no good.. so in hopes to push him away.. i kinda told him that i felt.. well, it back fired he told me he felt too... this scared me... u see because i never want to ..well, i do desire someone to be there for me, but, i know he would never, something told me so, but i still hoped.. he said he would, and well, he almost was.. maybe.. i think.. but then he just disappeared like he always does.... and this time i knew i just knew... when he was gone, i knew how i felt... i didn't just feel for him... i wanted to be able to love him.. show him me.. since because i never wanted to be with anyone i never wanted to show him me... .. i was scared.. scared to continue to meet others in fear that being with them would make me unhappy.. so i just focused on myself... because if a man or anyone wants anything to do with you.. they would make their efforts... so i just focused on me.. still feeling sad, turned away, confused... but i still tried to make the way i felt for him go away... because to me, it is so strange how could i feel for him this way if i dont even really know him.. maybe it was because i realized from dating the person before that i wanted more than just relations, but a relationship... i dunno... i still was scared because i don't want to be in a relationship... i had suffered to much in life to deal with a relationship... i wanted to straighten my life out before loving someone again... because i am the type to give unconditional love to them... so, i tried ...and i tried to lose the thought of him in my mind... but i couldn't... he was someone i couldn't call a friend because we never had the opportunity to be friends but .. he was special to me, real special... so i had to call him and tell him how i felt that i needed to see him.. so i did, i just needed to say how i truly felt and if it isn't the same then to continue to let go... except again, he told me that he felt for me too... he said things like before... i believed because all i want is honesty and i assumed he knew so too.. then i began to realize that he says... he loves me more than i tell him .. he calls me his girl... this cofused me so much.. that i couldn't think straight .. with transitions in my life i had to think straight... so i began to ask him.. what he wanted.. if i was someone he is sure he wanted to be with... .. he said i was... that he was sure.. .. but something wasn't right.. not at all .. maybe because i started to imagine ways to make life easier for the both, maybe because i began to want what i thought he wanted... so i asked him again .. if he was sure.. i asked him to make sure that i wouldn't give my heart that was already open to him.. but so i wouldn't give it to him.. i wanted to make sure that the way i was thinking was right... so i kept asking.. and even though i knew he was going through alot, i just needed that answer,, are you sure... yes or no... if not then i needed to close the door to my heart... ... he must have been confused.. i know i was... but then out of no where he tells me he's no good for me.. he tells me that he can't deal with love at this time... that i need to be patient... i understood.. i didn't want to but i understood... because of how i felt.. because it hurt so much.. i just let him go... we were to talk again, because of something else.. but that will take its time too... ... i realized to myself.. as i would go out at night.. and try to make myself happy i couldn't look at another guy... ,, maybe i was too hurt.. and going out was too soon.. all i know is that i just couldn't deal.. so.. i would go to work and go home.. work and home... i would talk to some friends, but ... i knew i wasn't happy.. not just because of how i felt.. because of another way we became involved, i was set back a bit.. but i wasn't destroyed.. i was able to make ends meet... i was okay, unhappy doing so but okay... .. so it came time to see him due to the other way we were involved... .. i had been patient like he asked me to.. i wasn't patient just for him.... but also because i felt for him.. and i didn't want to feel for anyone... so i tried my best.. but i couldn't get him out of my mind.. [comments] => 0 [counter] => 171 [topic] => 43 [informant] => jillian_phan [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 2 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
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