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Array
(
[sid] => 138238
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => The Things Left Unsaid
[time] => 2007-11-03 10:29:07
[hometext] => So lately I've been going through a lot in my life and this is my view of it all.
[bodytext] => My family keeps telling me to be careful with my heart But I’m the type of girl who’ll give it away and allow it to be torn apart. I understand that love is not easy but I hope that someone would try To love me like I want to be instead of making me cry. I’m tired of being lonely and feeling like no one is on my side And I’m even more tired of who I have to be, so instead I just hide. I pretend to be someone that I’m not, instead of being someone that I am. And when it’s all said and done I still managed to always feel covered in shame Some days it feels like it’s just me up against a wall. And in order to be free I have to risk letting myself fall. I’m so use to not being caught that I’m afraid to even take a chance. I feel like my life is swirling around me, it is almost like I’m in some trance. The words that I say don’t make sense to me and the ones that do just hurt. And the thing that’s worst is that there’s no one there to give me comfort. So instead I just pass life on by, I leave so many things unsaid. My world gets all shaken up and it's so frustrating cause know one knows whats in my head. I know it’s wrong to feel this way but it’s the only way I know how to feel. And I can’t believe in myself, because what is believable just can’t be real. I’m laying her in a hell of my own making, yet here I am again trying to find someone to blame. My hands just keep shaking because we all know my answer is always the same. I avoid ever getting too close to anyone now Or maybe I just forgot to, I lost my feelings and I don’t know how. I always feel down on my luck, and sometimes I feel so numb. I’m screaming out for help and no one will listen to someone who plays the victim. So instead I just play it out like nothing is happening at home Cause deep down it is killing me and I just want to be alone. But the loneliness just tears away at what I feel inside. Like someone’s ripping out my heart, taking it out for a ride. I’ll admit my heart is cracked, beaten and ripped. Patched up, bandaged and zipped. I have no sense of what is real because the thing that I need is to heal. I need to find something with true meaning something without a bargain or deal. And if I come off a little rigid it’s not because I am. It’s just I’m so used to living a life outside the picture frame. If someone would give me a chance to explain who I once was. You would learn that I only suffer for a cause. It’s the only thing I ever knew and probably will ever know But all that I ask of you is that what’s real won’t go. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 387 [topic] => 61 [informant] => thecyanidesun [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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