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Array
(
[sid] => 137954
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => of love and honesty
[time] => 2007-10-22 12:43:49
[hometext] => Not really a poem, just trying to get a few thoughts off my chest.
[bodytext] => Flashbacks of a brighter time, when everything was simple on the surface, pelt at my mind like a barrage of fragmented razor blades. What happened to me? Or, to phrase the question more accurately, who am I? Would you have been mine if you knew? From the first day I saw you, I gazed on a light brighter than the sun... Brighter than the face of god himself. I was completely dumbfounded. Never in my life had I known that such a feeling existed as when I first heard you speak. Even when you called my name in casual conversation my heart did beat to the tune of the angelic music that was your voice. I take myself into consideration. Plain and not very impressive. How could that angel fall in love with me? Simply put, I did not believe she could. So, to win the heart of an angel I must be an angel... How naive a sentiment such as that captivated my thoughts I do not know, but immediately I began weaving that web of deceit that ensnared her love. What a fool l was. Maybe I should have let that angel run free. God knows she would have been better off. Now she can't decide whats best for her. I sit idly, there's nothing I can do now, my charade has run its course. The love that she felt has turned stale, and while still there, just a shell of itself. Most days I feel as if it were never meant to be despite how desperately I long for it. Now, all i can do is wait, there really are no more promises I can make to try and extend my time. All that remains is a small amount of hope that just maybe that angel could love this man with his flaws and misdeeds. Those memories of that happy time are really all that remain. Was it worth lying to achieve such a thing? For me, if it meant I could be with her and experience that happiness of having someone feel genuine love for me, then yes, a thousand times over, yes. However, that answer doesn't take her feelings into consideration. She wants someone to love, and wants to be loved, but not by someone like me. For all my deception she ends up taking the fall in the end, and for that reason it's absolutely not worth the lies. I scarcely believe I can truly make her happy now. I carve my memories into the walls of my heart and i'll hide them away until the day I die. I was truly happy, and so were you. But i'm not the person you are looking for, despite how desperately I want to be. I wonder what you will do. To that end, I leave our future in your hands, and hope that maybe a little of my true self has grown on you. I love you my angel, and always will. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 360 [topic] => 50 [informant] => absent [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => ApologyPoetry )
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