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Array
(
[sid] => 137842
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Delusion and eternal shortcomings
[time] => 2007-10-15 12:25:45
[hometext] => I don't know what to do. I never know what to do. Neither does anyone else. The trail doesn't end cause I don't know how to make it end. And the more I walk it the more tired I become.
[bodytext] => I can no longer see as clearly as I once did, granted that i've never seen too clearly to begin with. I walk down the same path i've always walked. There are no turns, and there are no exits to a better path. There exists only a dark muddy trail that I walk on alone. I used to walk the path in hopeful optimism that it might one day improve, but as time passes and my body tires, my optimism fades. Now my eyes have become jaded with the stress of watching the horizon, hoping for a sunrise. It seems as if dusk is eternal for me. I look to the sky and talk into the cold wind, asking for reprieve; my tired body barely able to raise my head. For all my effort it begins to rain... I trudge on. For whatever reason, I keep going. My feet begin to stick into the mud and my steps come with struggling. For as long as I was able I kept taking step after step. The rain made it hard to see much further than where I was standing, and to my left and right there stood dark, menacing trees, which seemed to promise I would lose my way should I stray from this miserable road. The temptation to break away is overwhelming, regardless of what the consequences may be. If my travel so far is any indicator of the end of the road, maybe I have nothing to lose by crawling off this wretched path and just dying a lonely death. So what if I give up? There's noone there to see. I decide to keep moving. My trudge has turned into a crawl. My body refuses to obey me anymore. I collapse. With my face in the mud and unable to budge a single muscle I lie there, a literal pile of defeat. I feel so close to death. I can even feel it's frigid breath through the chilled wind numbing my body. My eyes glaze over, and for the briefest moment, I saw into the supernatural. A thousand angels and demons brawling like madmen around me. As I lie there, helpless, a dark figure approached me amidst the chaos, its face engulfed in darkness. "What will you do?" It's voice, quite surprisingly, angelic, like a siren or goddess. I thought I had become delusional but as I snapped back into cold reality I could sense a presence in front of me. My eyes were not focused and it was difficult to see. "Are you okay?" The same beautiful voice called to me. I tried to speak but my voice failed me. I was far too weak to respond. I felt a warm hand pick my head up from the mud and I found myself in the arms of an angel. The only reprieve i've ever had. I tried to gaze into the face of my savior but my eyes still failed me, the angels face blurry and out of focus. My eyes began to adjust and a small amount of strength returned to my body. "Are you okay?" The voice called to me again. Now my eyes had adjusted and I was able to look upon her face. For once I was able to speak. "Jackie, did I make it? Did I finally make it?" Her face communicated dissatisfaction to me. "You have not yet arrived. You will have to try harder." The words that collapse my will. "How? What do I do? Tell me how to reach my destination." I ask. With that the small warmth I felt faded and her body collapsed into the nothingness, returning my head to the muddy trail. I was able to turn my body and look to the sky. It had become even darker and it was raining harder than ever. I picked up my head and looked down the road. There was still no end in sight. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 213 [topic] => 61 [informant] => absent [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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