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Array ( [sid] => 137676 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Your Heretic Vow [time] => 2007-10-05 10:10:58 [hometext] => Not what he seems, is he? [bodytext] => With seducing fangs he pulls them in
Forever trapped in their own sin
Suck the blood of his prey
Now you wish upon yesterday
Never knowing what awaits
And that your life was always at stake
From the idea that enters the womb
To the sparkle that dies to gloom
Forever spun in his web
Of lies murder and golden thread
The vain look upon his face
As your "savior" approaches your case
The godly spider that herds the sheep
The sheep you are, the soul he reaps
Does the sun shine in his grasp?
Locking you tightly in his clasp
With a shriek, you'll hear him calling
Running leaps, your hope is falling
But he's your savior, is he not?
This is what your life is now, surrender to your heretic vow. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 190 [topic] => 11 [informant] => droughp [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => ChristianPoetry )

Your Heretic Vow

Contributed by droughp on Friday, 5th October 2007 @ 10:10:58 AM in AEST
Topic: ChristianPoetry

With seducing fangs he pulls them in
Forever trapped in their own sin
Suck the blood of his prey
Now you wish upon yesterday
Never knowing what awaits
And that your life was always at stake
From the idea that enters the womb
To the sparkle that dies to gloom
Forever spun in his web
Of lies murder and golden thread
The vain look upon his face
As your "savior" approaches your case
The godly spider that herds the sheep
The sheep you are, the soul he reaps
Does the sun shine in his grasp?
Locking you tightly in his clasp
With a shriek, you'll hear him calling
Running leaps, your hope is falling
But he's your savior, is he not?
This is what your life is now, surrender to your heretic vow.

Copyright © droughp ... [ 2007-10-05 10:10:58]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Your Heretic Vow (User Rating: 1 )
by Nazmythian on Friday, 5th October 2007 @ 03:34:53 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I was rollin' right there along with you, diggin' on the rhyme and flow and then ...

I can't help but feel there is a line dropped at the end ... you had a consistant pattern throughout until the last two lines. I think maybe I would add a rhyming line after "But he's your savior, is he not?" ... that is just me however. I also wonder of your decision to not separate the final line ... I don't question that so much as your reasonings behind it.

Nazmythian ~
( who did really enjoy the read )

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