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Array
(
[sid] => 13715
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => i lay my life before you
[time] => 2003-03-04 15:00:00
[hometext] => ~when others read my past~
[bodytext] =>
i lay my life before you, what you see is your own choice,
yet when my past is entered i am seen without that voice,
the person then is different now, she has suffered through the pain,
so winter past has gone to spring, yet mind's read is filled again,
if your words were taken from your life; written out of context,
for all the world to see, and read out of order, last to next,
oh no, those secrets can be kept, safetly tucked away in quiet,
i'll never know unless you tell, when your life was in riot,
a poetess who is oft times seen as something she is not,
ahhhh, well, i guess this is my choice, my life's chosen lot,
please don't wreck havock on my life, for a past that is so buried,
these things i share are open hearted, please see happy not harried,
some of my poems are timeless, yet for some there is the time,
to see me as i have come to be, writing new intristic rhymes.
i go along this path called life, and see so many things,
that others say they never saw for it is not their way,
i lay my life before you, what you see is your gift from me,
so when my life is entered i am sharing my autobiography.
~*~
[comments] => 13
[counter] => 425
[topic] => 21
[informant] => ladyfawn
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 94
[ratings] => 20
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => Lifepoems
)
i lay my life before you
Contributed by
ladyfawn
on
Tuesday, 4th March 2003 @ 03:00:00 PM in AEST
Topic:
Lifepoems
|
i lay my life before you, what you see is your own choice,
yet when my past is entered i am seen without that voice,
the person then is different now, she has suffered through the pain,
so winter past has gone to spring, yet mind's read is filled again,
if your words were taken from your life; written out of context,
for all the world to see, and read out of order, last to next,
oh no, those secrets can be kept, safetly tucked away in quiet,
i'll never know unless you tell, when your life was in riot,
a poetess who is oft times seen as something she is not,
ahhhh, well, i guess this is my choice, my life's chosen lot,
please don't wreck havock on my life, for a past that is so buried,
these things i share are open hearted, please see happy not harried,
some of my poems are timeless, yet for some there is the time,
to see me as i have come to be, writing new intristic rhymes.
i go along this path called life, and see so many things,
that others say they never saw for it is not their way,
i lay my life before you, what you see is your gift from me,
so when my life is entered i am sharing my autobiography.
~*~
Copyright ©
ladyfawn
... [
2003-03-04 15:00:00]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by Valerie_Pearson on
Tuesday, 4th March 2003 @ 03:17:02 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| and what a great journey it has become, super Nessa, loved reading this, Love ya Val |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by wolfflow on
Tuesday, 4th March 2003 @ 03:21:46 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| nothing to write home about? its ok babe i got there on my own, always do, check your mail, have faith and hey watch out for the dogfood bucket |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by DreamWeaver on
Tuesday, 4th March 2003 @ 03:58:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| This is one of your finest poems Nessa ... wonderful words ... excellent write... Jan |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Tuesday, 4th March 2003 @ 05:27:03 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| this poem has alot of feeling and power behind it.Nicely done |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Tuesday, 4th March 2003 @ 06:42:01 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| a beautiful journey,,well spoken and wtitten,,a friend in words,,sooky |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by Jenni_Kalicharan on
Tuesday, 4th March 2003 @ 08:23:32 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Lovely write. Ness...I loved the title...
Hugs
Jenni |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by Ilhar on
Tuesday, 4th March 2003 @ 10:50:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
well written good poem
Shari |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by LOWMAN613 on
Tuesday, 4th March 2003 @ 11:00:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
What a journey you have to cherish!
Well done on this peice Nessa! Christina |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by venkat on
Wednesday, 5th March 2003 @ 02:58:13 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
Ahh! dear Nessa, life is but very short. few are the real movements of happiness that we could share through poetry. there fore no tears.
.. venkat |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by banjo on
Thursday, 27th March 2003 @ 03:35:22 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
This is definitely one of your best poems.
--The meter breaks down at times -- go back over it with a fine tooth comb, like a traintrack the slightest aberration can throw derail the whole thing.
--Interested in the idea of different interpretations of one's life - "what you see is your own choice." Things taken out of context, etc. When you get to that last couplet and say "what you see is my gift to you" wouldn't also be true to say "what you see is your gift to me?" ie, if one views your life with compassion and understanding, forgiveness for mistakes, accents on the positive, they are giving a gift to you. Or one could choose to accent the mistakes and read bad things into your life... they are still giving you something, but I don't think I'd call it a gift.
Good work, worth rewriting, keep it up! |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Friday, 28th March 2003 @ 11:51:17 AM AEST
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a Message)
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hey hey banjo, how's the site's newest biggest critique today? i have read your poetry and think there are a few re-writes there as well imho, if you wish to be critical in your examination of my work, fine, although you might concider there are poets here who may be hurt by your sometimes unkind remarks, estimation of a work of literature, art, or poetry in critical dissertation by using a careful and through analysis would be welcome by all, however, to criticise or pass judgment upon one's work and tell them to re-write each piece you read is very rude, keep coming back, and do have a nice day:) nessa
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 0 )
by Former_Member on
Monday, 28th April 2003 @ 01:33:16 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
| You always were a good poet. ;-) Some things never change and there are other things which should change.....and maybe be laid to rest. The poem is excellent.....as expected. I guess that's all. I forgot to log in! Still, I think you know. |
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Re: i lay my life before you
(User Rating: 1 )
by hauntedscorp on
Saturday, 22nd November 2014 @ 10:54:00 PM AEST
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a Message)
|
Written from the soul; I love this piece. You are right, reading our lives out of context can distort the picture. We do also change over time, and get over certain feelings about things. It can be like ripping off a bandaid when an old write gets rehashed. At the same time someone is reaching out and saying, hey, I wanna know more! You summed it up perfectly at the end.
~Scorp |
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