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Array ( [sid] => 136619 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => If sobriety is what I want, why can’t I stay clean? [time] => 2007-08-09 20:03:59 [hometext] => [bodytext] => If sobriety is what I want, why can’t I stay clean?

Why does it feel like it is a hopeless dream?

People have told me that if I really wanted to quit then I would

And I really haven’t put the effort into staying clean like I should

I try to explain my side but get nowhere

To them I just want to use because I don't care

But if I didn’t care then I wouldn’t say I want to quit

And believe me, I am willing to admit

That this is something that I know that I can’t control

Because no matter how hard I fight, it just won’t let go

Each day I wake up, I think today is the day

I promise I won’t use, no how, no way

But then I can’t even begin to explain how my body will start to feel

The with drawl so intense making it hard for me to deal

And I ask myself how am I going to make it to tomorrow when I feel like I am dying?

And I start to cry because it has only been day, and I already want to give up on trying

And I know that the only way to stop the pain is to use

So unfortunately the drug is what I choose

I know it may sound like I’m weak, but believe when I say

That I no longer want to live my life in this way

I know that I am the one who put me in this position

But I am battling and losing to this enemy called addiction

Why do people get mad when I say I can’t do it on my own?

And tell me that I need to, because I am grown

They tell me I can do it because it is all in my head

Sometimes I feel like the only way I can stop is if I am dead

You see, I know what I want but don't know where to start

And the more time that passes the more I fall apart

I don’t know why I can’t find the girl who used to be so strong

Or if she even still exists since it has been so long

I know you people mean well but instead you make me feel worse

And make me feel like everyone would be happier if I were in a hearse

I know what I have done and what I am doing is wrong

But how do I stop this addiction that has been going on for so long?

[comments] => 2 [counter] => 264 [topic] => 66 [informant] => babylugz [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => drugabuse )

If sobriety is what I want, why can’t I stay clean?

Contributed by babylugz on Thursday, 9th August 2007 @ 08:03:59 PM in AEST
Topic: drugabuse

If sobriety is what I want, why can’t I stay clean?

Why does it feel like it is a hopeless dream?

People have told me that if I really wanted to quit then I would

And I really haven’t put the effort into staying clean like I should

I try to explain my side but get nowhere

To them I just want to use because I don't care

But if I didn’t care then I wouldn’t say I want to quit

And believe me, I am willing to admit

That this is something that I know that I can’t control

Because no matter how hard I fight, it just won’t let go

Each day I wake up, I think today is the day

I promise I won’t use, no how, no way

But then I can’t even begin to explain how my body will start to feel

The with drawl so intense making it hard for me to deal

And I ask myself how am I going to make it to tomorrow when I feel like I am dying?

And I start to cry because it has only been day, and I already want to give up on trying

And I know that the only way to stop the pain is to use

So unfortunately the drug is what I choose

I know it may sound like I’m weak, but believe when I say

That I no longer want to live my life in this way

I know that I am the one who put me in this position

But I am battling and losing to this enemy called addiction

Why do people get mad when I say I can’t do it on my own?

And tell me that I need to, because I am grown

They tell me I can do it because it is all in my head

Sometimes I feel like the only way I can stop is if I am dead

You see, I know what I want but don't know where to start

And the more time that passes the more I fall apart

I don’t know why I can’t find the girl who used to be so strong

Or if she even still exists since it has been so long

I know you people mean well but instead you make me feel worse

And make me feel like everyone would be happier if I were in a hearse

I know what I have done and what I am doing is wrong

But how do I stop this addiction that has been going on for so long?

Copyright Â© babylugz ... [ 2007-08-09 20:03:59]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: If sobriety is what I want, why can’t I stay clean? (User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on Friday, 10th August 2007 @ 03:30:37 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Addiction is not a choice....it is a disease.
Only those who have fought the disease and won can guide you. Only they understand your battle and can help and support you.
I spent 7 years in a program and left with an emotional stability to deal with all my pain and past failures.
Those who don't understand addiction are the ones who will make you feel bad about what is happening to you. The support groups out there will LOVE you back to health. Just One Day At A Time.......go to them let them help you. Keep an open mind......Listen to others stories and know that if you follow those steps...you will be free of the pain and the addiction.
Give it one month....one day at a time and you will see changes in yourself. Your self esteem will grow and you will know that you are not alone.
Here is a piece of Prose you will find their that will help you. It was my favourite and I hung onto these words for many years.

Re: If sobriety is what I want, why can’t I stay clean? (User Rating: 1 )
by Adreana on Friday, 10th August 2007 @ 04:48:53 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I'm glad you wrote this. Because people really don't understand what being an addict is like until they are one themselves. It's an endless cycle of getting off, falling apart, wanting to to change, not being able to, and getting off again. Over and over again. In a world where so many people are stressing out over mundane details in their day to day lives, it's impossible for many to deal with their bigger, more intimate problems without using some sort of substance. And in order to break the cycle, they must almost literally be held down and forced to withdrawl. Otherwise the cycle continues. Great write. ~Adreana

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