|
 Menu
|
|
|
|
|
Social
|
|
|
|
|
Slipping Away
Contributed by
spike
on
Sunday, 15th July 2007 @ 10:26:05 PM in AEST
Topic:
LostLove
|
1-2-3-4
Your promise trickles through my hands,
down the stream and out to sea
by inclination of its own
you’re going to leave me here alone.
A stranger’s stance in frosted pose,
time away with no regard
yearning, squirming to be free
now you’re closing off from me.
Limbs are locked and eyes are cold,
it’s like trying to reach you down a well
from one to two and back to one
your setting will be like the sun.
5-6-7-8
you can lead a horse to water,
but you can’t make it drink
you can give a man an idea,
but you cannot make him think
you can lay down with a lover,
but it doesn’t mean they’ll stay
you can linger in the moonlight,
but there is always the new day
And that is how I know that you
are
slipping
away.
9-10 (done)
Copyright ©
spike
... [
2007-07-15 22:26:05]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
Advertisments:
|
|
|
|
|
|
Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more
|
|
All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry
Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any
comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please
contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title
etc.
|
|
|
Re: Slipping Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by funnyface09 on
Sunday, 15th July 2007 @ 10:30:41 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
the saddest countdown i ever heard...
heartbreaking... |
|
|
Re: Slipping Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 01:07:17 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
It was hard to read this, so sad, so final. I liked how you penned the piece. Well done.
Peace,
Laura |
|
|
Re: Slipping Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by ladyfawn on
Monday, 16th July 2007 @ 02:50:42 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
beautifully written, so moving:each word and line a breath of its own, i am captivated!
hugs n' love nessa
roses |
|
|
Re: Slipping Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on
Tuesday, 17th July 2007 @ 12:36:47 AM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
wow this is deep and heartfelt.. you can feel the suspense and pain in this.. I loved the ending.. this is exquisite!! wonderful job here
rock on,
vampyress jenni |
|
|
Re: Slipping Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by Dom on
Friday, 20th July 2007 @ 07:12:49 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
Very unique, I loved the way you intertwined the countdown with your emotions, and how when it is over its all very low key ie. in brackets and lower case. Its as if there was a big build up to it, but it just fizzled out, it happened in a way that was perhaps different to what you had expected.
The stanza beginning 'you can lead a horse to water' reminded me a bit of a poem called Symposium by Paul Muldoon.
Wonderful write!
Dom |
|
|
Re: Slipping Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by Keilantra on
Sunday, 22nd July 2007 @ 02:28:30 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
i tried to read this again, but i was sure i would cry, & that is sooo not like me, trust me.
Spike, im a big fan of your poems, and tis had to be in my top five of yours. It seems a littlemore personal and desperate and empty than you rother stuff, and the closeness that it seems to have to you is touching. great write. its something i'll be reading again, once im able to.
~kei |
|
|
Re: Slipping Away
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Saturday, 28th July 2007 @ 10:05:13 PM AEST
(User
Info | Send
a Message)
|
How original is that!? But then,originality from you Sir,should never be a surprise.I can't recall ever having read a poem that embraced the subject so perfectly.Done it again.
Den |
|
|
|
· 
Poetry
Community
Members
Areas
Reference
Search
Top
Others
