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Array
(
[sid] => 133003
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => sincerest questions
[time] => 2007-03-23 23:15:11
[hometext] => sometimes it hurts too much but eventually it'll always resurface.
[bodytext] => i've tried for so long to hold in what was trying to break loose. i haven't cried in almost a year, yet it seems like it was only yesterday. do i always have to be so strong and happy, as if nothing bothers me even though everything does? these tears are falling silenly, because no ones here to hear my muffled cries. i heard about the blasphemous comments you made about me. it hurt at first and then i wondered, is it my fault? you called me faggot for the umpteenth time, and it was nothing different. i acted as if i didn't care but as soon as you left me alone i shed a tear, just as lonely as i. please no more judgement! i can't take it anymore! it hurts so bad that i have come to feel nothing but the numbing silence. i'm no one to you, yet you act as if you know me! you have no clue what its like to be the nice one, to not care what other people think, to be everyones best friend and no ones love. it hurt so much the first time you did it, and it took so long to get back up but i did it, and now i'm back on my knees. please no more judgement! i can't take it anymore! i'm not the ***** you think i am. i'm not the faggot you think i am. i'm not as strong as you think i am. i'm more caring than you think i am. i listen more you think i do. and still it bothers not one of you, that i have feelings too! that i hear your idle words of hatred! that even though i judge you too, at least i'm honest and joking. i hate being there for everyone when i'm so lonely without a soul to talk to. this isn't aimed to my friends but to those who know me not, but still pretend to and call me these harsh words. you called me a faggot, a dumbass, a *****, a garrulous fool, an idiot, but you called me friend at one point or another. you judge me so, you torment me so, what if i was what you said i am? then what? does it matter? do say it to make yourself feel better now? is it your temporary morphine? is it because i reflect the real you? [comments] => 3 [counter] => 211 [topic] => 48 [informant] => artjunkiekyle [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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