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Array
(
[sid] => 132677
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Dear Meat Consumer,
[time] => 2007-03-13 21:42:55
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => I understand that you like to be offered brand new kinds of meat that have been manufactured just for you. I like the way you look at me when I offer you brand new kinds of meat that have been manufactured just for you. I wonder if you listen intently when I explain the liking that I experience and it's relation to the way you look at me when I offer brand new kinds of meat that have been manufactured just for you. However, the meat I have to offer you is not brand new and it has not been manufactured just for you, It is organically grown inside animals and is mass produced. I hate the way you look at me when I explain about how meat has been grown inside animals and mass produced and therefore not brand new or manufactured just for you. I wonder if you know how much mental anguish I experience in receiving your look of response to my statements about meat being grown inside animals and mass produced and not being brand new or manufactured just for you. Please try to understand that I consider it to be a very unreasonable request that meat be brand new and manufactured just for you. It would be highly impractical and furthermore your continued instance that meat be brand new and manufactured just for you seems to constitute some sort of delusions of grandeur. I am not a brand new custom mean manufacturer. I am a hot dog vendor, and can exercise no creative control over the production of the meat that I sell. I also think that your apparent need for brand new kinds of meat shows a lack of appreciation for kinds of meat that already exist. They work. They taste good. And furthermore, production and preparation of said meats have been perfected over the years as a result of centuries of practice by butchers, cooks, and yes, even hot dog vendors. You see, I would not know the first thing about vending these hypothetical brand new meats which have been manufactured just for you. You see, I know hot dogs, the better part of my life was spent learning how to properly vend them, and I take great pride in my life's work. So even if, somehow I happened to have meats that were brand new and manufactured just for you, you'd probably find that the vending service accompanying these exciting new meats would be quite unsatisfactory. So once again for the sake of clarity, whilst I, from time to time, may offer you meats that are brand new and manufactured just for you, this gesture has been made solely for the sake the wonderful look that you give me when I offer you meats that are brand new and manufactured just for you, which I like a lot. But you must remember that this is only an empty gesture. I do not have any sort of meats that are brand new and manufactured just for you. These meats do not exist, and furthermore, even if they did exist, I could not sell them to you until they had been approved by the board of health. I hope this letter has cleared up several of the misunderstandings that has plagued our relationship as hot dog vendor and meat consumer. I assure you that this relationship has the potential to be mutually beneficial one, as well as sexually empowering. [comments] => 0 [counter] => 171 [topic] => 7 [informant] => wakingdream [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => HumorPoetry )
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