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Array ( [sid] => 132431 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => I Shut My Eyes Tight. [time] => 2007-03-06 07:39:50 [hometext] => mmm, this is some thing i wrote months ago. i still feel the unbearable pain though... since then, the forensics have come back positive but he's still denying it. i feel so sad. [bodytext] => I shut my eyes tight,
As the flashbacks appear.
I’ve already said “NO”.
But he pretended to not hear.

I say it again!
He continues…

But it’s no use.

I want him to stop!
But he doesn’t care.
So I give up.

I let myself be abused once again!

I hide inside secrets,
Which are coated by lies.
Melting my energy.
Into another disguise

Every time.
I never speak up,
Always pretend that I’m fine.

When I’m NOT!

I push my feelings inside,
And shut EVERY THING out.
And smile so numbly.
Cutting every thing out.

I cry through my innards,
And scream through my eyes.
And sleep inside nightmares,
And wish I could die

…But this time it’s different.
I’ve said some thing now!
I’ve spoken up,
And broken my shell.

I spoke the most recent memory.
Which is impossible to forget!
Of how he abused me,
And how we met.

I’ve told the police.
Who arrested him.
You’d think I’d feel better,
But I just feel dead.

I don’t care any more.
It’s happened too many times.
I feel too empty,
To continue to fight.

It all feels so pointless,
Yet I’m fighting on.
Trying to manage,
Pretending that I’m strong.

But it’s all a lie.
And I don’t care.
It’s happened too many times.
For me to want to be here.

It’s happened to many times,
For me to smile truly.
Inside I’m NOT alright.
… I’m desperately unhappy!

[comments] => 8 [counter] => 351 [topic] => 61 [informant] => deathdrop [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 13 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )

I Shut My Eyes Tight.

Contributed by deathdrop on Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 07:39:50 AM in AEST
Topic: selfstruggles

I shut my eyes tight,
As the flashbacks appear.
I’ve already said “NO”.
But he pretended to not hear.

I say it again!
He continues…

But it’s no use.

I want him to stop!
But he doesn’t care.
So I give up.

I let myself be abused once again!

I hide inside secrets,
Which are coated by lies.
Melting my energy.
Into another disguise

Every time.
I never speak up,
Always pretend that I’m fine.

When I’m NOT!

I push my feelings inside,
And shut EVERY THING out.
And smile so numbly.
Cutting every thing out.

I cry through my innards,
And scream through my eyes.
And sleep inside nightmares,
And wish I could die

…But this time it’s different.
I’ve said some thing now!
I’ve spoken up,
And broken my shell.

I spoke the most recent memory.
Which is impossible to forget!
Of how he abused me,
And how we met.

I’ve told the police.
Who arrested him.
You’d think I’d feel better,
But I just feel dead.

I don’t care any more.
It’s happened too many times.
I feel too empty,
To continue to fight.

It all feels so pointless,
Yet I’m fighting on.
Trying to manage,
Pretending that I’m strong.

But it’s all a lie.
And I don’t care.
It’s happened too many times.
For me to want to be here.

It’s happened to many times,
For me to smile truly.
Inside I’m NOT alright.
… I’m desperately unhappy!

Copyright Â© deathdrop ... [ 2007-03-06 07:39:50]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: I Shut My Eyes Tight. (User Rating: 1 )
by soulsearching43 on Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 01:04:51 PM AEST
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WOW this is a very intense piece of poetry
its beautifully written and very sad
i hope things get better for you
keep writing it always helps me

dawn

Re: I Shut My Eyes Tight. (User Rating: 1 )
by ashleigh on Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 05:01:58 PM AEST
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This is very sad.. I hope you get better. It's very beautiful, though. I hope you are coping. I don't know how I could even begin to handle your situation - you seem strong to me, even if you don't think so yourself.

keep writing
ash

Re: I Shut My Eyes Tight. (User Rating: 1 )
by ashleigh on Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 05:02:05 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is very sad.. I hope you get better. It's very beautiful, though. I hope you are coping. I don't know how I could even begin to handle your situation - you seem strong to me, even if you don't think so yourself.

keep writing
ash

Re: I Shut My Eyes Tight. (User Rating: 1 )
by priss on Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 06:26:47 PM AEST
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oh, this breaks my heart to read. trust me, it will get better and you will be alright. writing is a great form of therapy. good job and thanks for sharing.
~p

Re: I Shut My Eyes Tight. (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 06:48:03 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is a truly heartbreaking piece. To read through and see you build up the courage and strength to finally speak up is hard enough, but only to feel worse inside is heartwrenching, I'm sure. Every emotion in this poem --the anger, the sadness, the unbearable pain-- really poured out.
I'm a big believer in that in the end everything will work itself out and everything will eventually be okay, and if it's not, then it's not the end yet. I know it's so difficult to grasp at first, but eventually the clutch will sustain.

- Marisa

Re: I Shut My Eyes Tight. (User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on Tuesday, 6th March 2007 @ 09:50:49 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I'm almost speechless
well done

Re: I Shut My Eyes Tight. (User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on Wednesday, 7th March 2007 @ 07:22:36 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This was deep and truthful. There was a lot of pain and anger in this poem. You did a great job expressing yourself and what you are dealing with. Keep writing it out. It does help.

Take care
*Hugs*
Christina-xo

Re: I Shut My Eyes Tight. (User Rating: 1 )
by MemeCaroline on Monday, 14th January 2008 @ 11:46:27 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Another excellent,strong write. I hope you have someone you can talk to who will help you with the healing process.

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