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Array ( [sid] => 132357 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Burning Laughter [time] => 2007-03-04 04:11:13 [hometext] => I don't know where this leads. It does not really have a common theme throughout and drifts away from the start. None the less it expresses what I felt at the time and I like it. [bodytext] => I sit alone,
I do not despair,
I revel in its silence
I glow in its radiance.

The ripples of laughter search me out,
Battering against my mind,
I shut them out,
As the tears of life burn paths down my cheeks,
Burning my soul for eternity,
Scarring me like nothing else.

But still I bar the door,
Lock myself in,
Hiding from life,
To the emotions which brought me here,
Drowning in self loathing.

I see the face every waking moment,
It is a mirage of happier times,
Times I felt alive.

Now I am dead,
Full of the fake life of a flower on the wind,
I dance with the wind,
Soon it shall stop and I shall fall.
[comments] => 4 [counter] => 155 [topic] => 75 [informant] => Heretic [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 11 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )

Burning Laughter

Contributed by Heretic on Sunday, 4th March 2007 @ 04:11:13 AM in AEST
Topic: anguished

I sit alone,
I do not despair,
I revel in its silence
I glow in its radiance.

The ripples of laughter search me out,
Battering against my mind,
I shut them out,
As the tears of life burn paths down my cheeks,
Burning my soul for eternity,
Scarring me like nothing else.

But still I bar the door,
Lock myself in,
Hiding from life,
To the emotions which brought me here,
Drowning in self loathing.

I see the face every waking moment,
It is a mirage of happier times,
Times I felt alive.

Now I am dead,
Full of the fake life of a flower on the wind,
I dance with the wind,
Soon it shall stop and I shall fall.

Copyright © Heretic ... [ 2007-03-04 04:11:13]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Burning Laughter (User Rating: 1 )
by Rhei76 on Sunday, 4th March 2007 @ 12:28:28 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

You did great on this

It myght not stay together
But in time you will look at it and find
what you hid here

Re: Burning Laughter (User Rating: 1 )
by Butterat_Zool on Sunday, 4th March 2007 @ 01:58:14 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I like the fact that you never got sappy or sentimental. I did think you were a little wordy, though, but getting rid of those extra words would make the ones you leave more powerful. I hope you don't mind my cleaning this up a little to make my point. Take a look a this:

I sit alone,
I do not despair,
I revel in silence
I glow in radiance.

The ripples of laughter search me out,
Battering my mind,
I shut them out,
As the tears of life blaze down my cheeks,
Burning my soul,
And scarring me like nothing else.

I bar the door,
Lock myself in,
Hide from life,
And the emotions which brought me here,
I drown in self-loathing.

I see the face every waking moment,
A mirage of happier times,
When I felt alive.

Now I am dead,
Full of false life like a flower on the wind.
I dance,
And soon I shall fall.

I mean, it's your poem, so do what you want with it, and I hope you don't think i'm stepping on your toes, i just see that there's a way to make it a little stronger. Good write. Keep it up.

BZ.

Re: Burning Laughter (User Rating: 1 )
by Heretic on Sunday, 4th March 2007 @ 05:59:18 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Thanks for the suggestion. I'll keep it in mind the next time I write and I will make a copy of the poem with your suggestions. Thank you.

Re: Burning Laughter (User Rating: 1 )
by needledancing on Sunday, 4th March 2007 @ 06:06:45 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

It is a good write...sad and I have felt that sadness as we all have some time or another..I can relate..but I hope happier times are here for you now.

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