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Array
(
[sid] => 132098
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Deathbeat
[time] => 2007-02-25 12:39:24
[hometext] => It's about an emotion we relate to if you read it please comment it? Thanks.-xXx
[bodytext] => Passionate affection in the soul of the beholder , given off as a potential cold shoulder. Cries deepen, a whisper on a sound. Take me dissapear me for i shall not be found. Let me hear the heartbeat of the ghostsounds wound. And let me see then where i shall be doomed. God let the blood be damned back into my paranormal veins. Arteries so deeply cut i shall nomore feal worthless pain. Let the hopeless wind blow the red liquid dry. I, my blood, wimpering in cold frost dust; cry if it hurts insanely. My spine is quiverish and squemish my heart is jet pitched shivering against my poisenous blood; really i would live if i could
[comments] => 3
[counter] => 162
[topic] => 13
[informant] => AmandaChartrand
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 0
[ratings] => 0
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => DarkPoetry
)
Deathbeat
Contributed by
AmandaChartrand
on
Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 12:39:24 PM in AEST
Topic:
DarkPoetry
|
Passionate affection in the soul of the beholder , given off as a potential cold shoulder. Cries deepen, a whisper on a sound. Take me dissapear me for i shall not be found. Let me hear the heartbeat of the ghostsounds wound. And let me see then where i shall be doomed. God let the blood be damned back into my paranormal veins. Arteries so deeply cut i shall nomore feal worthless pain. Let the hopeless wind blow the red liquid dry. I, my blood, wimpering in cold frost dust; cry if it hurts insanely. My spine is quiverish and squemish my heart is jet pitched shivering against my poisenous blood; really i would live if i could
Copyright ©
AmandaChartrand
... [
2007-02-25 12:39:24]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: Deathbeat
(User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on
Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 01:27:59 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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Hmm, a definite poets striving with heart and talent. Consider formating with structure to enhance the pace of where you are taking the reader.
Run the spell check and I am a big fan of reading it aloud as a part of the editing process.
The way the end reads 'really I would live (love) if i could"
had me rereading. Keep the pen flowing.
Good Job
Peace
Yangdantien |
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Re: Deathbeat
(User Rating: 1 )
by The_Unknown on
Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 11:21:14 PM AEST
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Info | Send
a Message)
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This is a good poem, you've got talent.
But, consider formating it different.
Love the poem.
-Jess |
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Re: Deathbeat
(User Rating: 1 )
by blackroses_bleedinghearts on
Sunday, 6th December 2009 @ 03:21:33 PM AEST
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a Message)
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like the other two said, consider formatting it a little differently. like a two or four lines for each rhyme. other than that, i love it.
it describes without fault how i have been feeling for the past week |
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