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Array ( [sid] => 132087 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => What Happened? [time] => 2007-02-25 02:32:04 [hometext] => Critique Please. [bodytext] => he's staring at his feet
afraid to look the world in its face
his inner feelings shine through
and are broadcasted so all can see
-inferior.
The man has shame tattooed on the back of his neck.
and his actions now-
make you wonder-
how did he get like this?
what was he like before?
Slowly, carefully, shyly
he kicks around a rock
as if afraid to let it get too far away from him.
then he kicks it too hard
and rushes to stop it, with his foot
but stumples, stepping on the rock.
he falls to the ground
and even though he's fine
he doesn't get up. [comments] => 6 [counter] => 223 [topic] => 73 [informant] => musicXisXlife [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => abstract )

What Happened?

Contributed by musicXisXlife on Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 02:32:04 AM in AEST
Topic: abstract

he's staring at his feet
afraid to look the world in its face
his inner feelings shine through
and are broadcasted so all can see
-inferior.
The man has shame tattooed on the back of his neck.
and his actions now-
make you wonder-
how did he get like this?
what was he like before?
Slowly, carefully, shyly
he kicks around a rock
as if afraid to let it get too far away from him.
then he kicks it too hard
and rushes to stop it, with his foot
but stumples, stepping on the rock.
he falls to the ground
and even though he's fine
he doesn't get up.

Copyright © musicXisXlife ... [ 2007-02-25 02:32:04]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: What Happened? (User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 04:20:22 AM AEST
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This is pretty good; detailed, original in its images, and makes its point without superfluity. I can't find much in the way of faults. Nicely done.

Andrew

Re: What Happened? (User Rating: 1 )
by PhantomVampyress on Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 11:15:11 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I really liked this piece.. it makes you think about things.. Its well written and great imagery

vampyress jenni

Re: What Happened? (User Rating: 1 )
by yangdantien on Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 04:52:00 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

I really like this and it rings many bells. Composed without resolution, a question addressed yet left unanswered in wonderment.

Well Done

Peace
Yangdantien

Re: What Happened? (User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on Sunday, 25th February 2007 @ 05:48:40 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hmm that is quite the write Turptaion to the read is sad, low esteem and slow grounded. No reason to look up .I wonder is he blind or just mislead to believe.
Thanks fer sharing

Whisper

Re: What Happened? (User Rating: 1 )
by The_Unknown on Thursday, 8th March 2007 @ 08:38:00 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Hey,
This is a really good. I like the imagery. Its really different than most poems. I like it, a lot. Keep up the good work babe, ily.
-Jess

Re: What Happened? (User Rating: 1 )
by unknown_utopia on Saturday, 26th January 2008 @ 07:09:25 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

The imagery that flows is outstanding

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