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Array
(
[sid] => 130382
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => The Beauty of Unsightliness
[time] => 2007-01-11 00:49:39
[hometext] => Feel free to comment. About my hometown beach in Corpus Christi. While it may have been overused, it brought many people together, which you'll read torwards the end of the poem.
[bodytext] => The sand
frigid and sharp
covering my feet
always stinging
The sky
grey and dull
seagulls swarming
always singing
The people
quiet and loud
spread about unevenly
always clinging
The water
green and grim
disturbed beauty
never gleaming
So many souls
good and bad
same destination
always searching
The beach
littered and changed
a fond memory
forever keeping me dreaming
[comments] => 13
[counter] => 381
[topic] => 44
[informant] => Alex23
[notes] =>
[ihome] => 0
[alanguage] => english
[acomm] => 0
[haspoll] => 0
[pollID] => 0
[score] => 16
[ratings] => 4
[editpoem] => 1
[associated] =>
[topicname] => Nostalgic
)
The Beauty of Unsightliness
Contributed by
Alex23
on
Thursday, 11th January 2007 @ 12:49:39 AM in AEST
Topic:
Nostalgic
|
The sand
frigid and sharp
covering my feet
always stinging
The sky
grey and dull
seagulls swarming
always singing
The people
quiet and loud
spread about unevenly
always clinging
The water
green and grim
disturbed beauty
never gleaming
So many souls
good and bad
same destination
always searching
The beach
littered and changed
a fond memory
forever keeping me dreaming
Copyright ©
Alex23
... [
2007-01-11 00:49:39]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on
Thursday, 11th January 2007 @ 11:14:59 AM AEST
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Good write. Don't leave her to the trash...go and clean her up and get some folks/friends to help. It is sad that someone treats our Mother Earth which such a lack of feeling. It sounds like a beautiful beach. It just needs someone to care....and it sounds like you do.
Peace, Laura |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by shelby on
Friday, 12th January 2007 @ 01:44:53 AM AEST
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Welcome!
I liked the structure and detail to images. I could have been strolling right along that beach. Indeed clean the sands, slap the litter bugs and always enjoy that beautiful ocean and shimmering sand.
~Michelle~ |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Crow on
Saturday, 13th January 2007 @ 11:33:43 PM AEST
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| very nice style Alex, enjoyed this read. Crow |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by HoneyCat on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 12:00:56 AM AEST
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| your words seem to dance through the poem |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 09:49:56 AM AEST
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a Message)
|
I had to laugh a little at parts of this since I've been to Corpus a few times - I live in Austin, myself.
I think you paid attention to the structure on this one and less on rhymes like the last, which I like. You've shown a good variety of styles in just three poems, so I applaud you for that.
The use of repetition is effective and a plus. The use of "The _______" is simple and succinct, and the change in the 5th stanza is traditional and a good move.
The second line of each stanza is interesting because, as I was reading through a second time, I paid attention to see if there was any unifying factor to them. The third and fifth stanzas are similar with opposites, while the second and, arguably, the fourth and sixth are similar items (though 'green' can imply the opposite of grim, too).
One thing you may consider trying in the future is another poem like this, but use the second line of each stanza, for instance, to convey another layer of meaning by having a separate and individual thread of meaning flow along. This can be done in many ways, but if you want more ideas or discussion on this, PM me and we can talk.
Good poem and style. :)
TheSpirit |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 05:25:52 PM AEST
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a Message)
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This has a nice economy of wordage, though the last line broke the structure just a bit - but then, structure in poetry must be broken sometimes.
You could try carrying a single sentence from one stanza to the next. Here, they're all rather separate. Good work, though. Keep it up.
Andrew |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Clarity_Rising on
Sunday, 14th January 2007 @ 09:56:46 PM AEST
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This poem is very descriptive.
You use your adjectives wisely,
making it easy for the reader to
picture your hometown very
easily. I look forward to reading
any of your future poems!
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Alison on
Wednesday, 17th January 2007 @ 07:09:23 PM AEST
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| oooo i like the way you worded this. good write |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on
Thursday, 18th January 2007 @ 11:54:35 PM AEST
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| very good write...they are always good when coming from the heart...Shari |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Loriann on
Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 08:18:26 PM AEST
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I agree with many. We do need to stop look and help clean up but not only our beaches but the world. This is where we live and so many care so less. Very nice write.
Loriann |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Janet on
Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 08:58:13 PM AEST
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I like the way one thought flowed into another so easily... Very good imagery and good message...
Janet |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by Sena on
Saturday, 17th March 2007 @ 09:02:08 PM AEST
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a Message)
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| Creative and expressive write. I love the beach...is one of my favorite places to write poetry and watch sunsets. |
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Re: The Beauty of Unsightliness
(User Rating: 1 )
by priss on
Sunday, 18th March 2007 @ 12:47:48 AM AEST
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a Message)
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love it...great write!
~priss |
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