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Array
(
[sid] => 128753
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => so much pain
[time] => 2006-11-27 18:51:22
[hometext] => a newer version of my last poem,
[bodytext] => how can you be so strong act like nothing is ever wrong oh how i wish i was like you you always know what to do me on the other hand, i am weak so broken and fragile, scared to speak i cant deal with this..i hate it i need to get out…its time to quit quit this world, escape all this pain what could i ever possibly gain i cant watch my best friend dying and the three others i love, constantly crying why cant i take their pain away i dont know what to do or what to say i want to be better for all of you but i really don’t think that’s something i can do this depression is getting the best of me a burden and a pain is all i’ll ever be i’m at my breaking point, i’m falling apart all my emotions are locked in my heart i wont let them out anymore, its too much to bare let it rip me apart, i don’t even care all that matters is that they are okay its not like i impact anyones day this is too much for me to take i feel like my body, my mind is starting to break its too much to deal with, im not strong enough why does everything have to be so tough faking this smile is so hard to do never be able to show people the real you not being allowed to show how you really feel this constant feeling of hurt is so unreal i’ve never felt this hurt before and i really don’t want to feel it anymore why cant i start to feel warmth again i feel so cold, will my heart ever be able mend why cant i be perfect like he wants i’d do anything to stop his taunts taunting me, my body, my weight what did i do to deserve such hate i guess i’ll never really know i am nothing; that’s what the bruises show hes right, i don’t deserve to smile i’m not worth anyones time or while i’ll take the pills, i’ll cut my wrists who really cares, i wont’ be missed i need them, they don’t need me they just think they do, they will see without be they will be free tonight is the last you will ever see of me... [comments] => 2 [counter] => 165 [topic] => 61 [informant] => xforever_faking_a_smile3x [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 3 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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