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Array
(
[sid] => 127851
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Breaking Down
[time] => 2006-11-05 11:40:38
[hometext] => for mitchell....I'm trying to move on....and this might be the only way, so I write it all down
[bodytext] =>  When memory comes calling…breaking down my dreams into reality…the reality that I still can’t stop feeling you. Still can’t stop hearing you…calling you…asking you to come back when it’s so completely over…. When nightmares come to me, burning me because I’m just so alone. Can’t make anyone understand what I feel…told you everything, but you just can’t help me now. Miss you so much, remembering all the good days that have died away. Trying to stop seeing your face…try to act like its all okay when it never will be…so sorry it had to be this way. Can’t keep acting like everything is okay. Put the gun to my heart and pull the trigger because I already feel so dead. I know the truth will be told one day, but I can’t keep pretending this is all okay. Can’t keep seeing you face. Can’t keep crying because nothing will change. Hurts so much to hear those words. Here the words from your mouth that you’ve forgotten everything. Just can’t move on when it was never finished…can’t keep acting…acting like everything is the same. So changed, so broken…so lost on the inside. So afraid I’ll lose the memory, but it hurts so much to remember because I can’t bring it back. I’ll never feel it again…. Don’t want to go back to before But nothing is the same and it hurts so much to say. Every time I see your face I want to scream because you can’t hear me…because I’ve become invisible. Trying so hard to move on, but I’m losing control of myself…. So here I am, at the end of what should have died long ago. Numb on my insides, next to the person who picked me up where I fell. I don’t know why I want to remember….why I can’t just move on. Every second seems to fall away, I feel like I’m wasting my time denying everything. Can’t explain this to someone who will never understand…can’t hold on….stuck with my memory…killing me. Bleeding from these cuts because it hurts so much. Don’t want to keep mourning, and seeing my death so clearly. If you had loved me, you’d never had done the things you did…so I guess this is the end. Breaking down my life into one small, sharp point, and pushing it into my skin until I feel something. Can’t forget, can’t remember, and can’t move on until this is finished, until I can accept that everything you ever said never meant a thing. Until I can see your face and not feel anything… Until I put myself I in a grave because your memory won’t leave me alone. One step closer… Reaching out for the things I can’t find anymore. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 214 [topic] => 75 [informant] => MG_Akela22090 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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