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Array
(
[sid] => 126234
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => What Choices Do I Have?
[time] => 2006-09-26 18:01:03
[hometext] => I wrote this about a year ago when I was feeling suicidal
[bodytext] => Hopeless, empty, and alone, I am out of control. Displaced and perplexed, I sit by myself, in fear and misery, engulfed in black darkness; I do not see. I am falling into despair and desolation. Has my negative mind ever been anything but destructive? The thick, dark sadness in my spirit eats away at my sanity. What choices do I have, what choices do I see? What’s the perplexing reason I seam to be? Who would miss me? I’m not even here. Distant and isolated, my life is hanging in a shadow of solitude. I feel so strange, far away and out of place. I am, but I am not; so confused and bewildered. What is real, what is solid? Where do I stand, how did I come to this? My path is hidden from me, my path is crooked and without direction. How am I to navigate through this blinding darkness? What is peace, how can I attain it? Where is hope, why does it stray from me? What is faith, how can I find it? I do not feel because I am dead, but to inflict pain to break from the numbness. Where is the balance of feelings and thoughts? When will this emotional roller coaster stop? How can I break from this invisible gloom, it hangs over my head, like a heavy gray loom. What choices do I have, what choice do I see? Ending it all seams the best thing to me. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 198 [topic] => 75 [informant] => DannyGirl [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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