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Array ( [sid] => 126194 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Lover's Quarrel [time] => 2006-09-25 20:58:44 [hometext] => Mill means million for clarifictation [bodytext] => I've found a love
The love of life
A single dove
My fair wife

This love of mine
She wont lie
This valentine
She wont die

All the pain she's put me through
I'm tired of the sadness

Wont leave me alone
Till death killed her
Stepped into my zone
In the room I let occur

'Neath the floorboard
Struggling for life
This I couldnt afford
Till life ended with knife

Off to jail
Mill to bail
Electric's so hot
All the pain I've brought
[comments] => 6 [counter] => 307 [topic] => 8 [informant] => Amicus [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AmericanTragedy )

Lover's Quarrel

Contributed by Amicus on Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 08:58:44 PM in AEST
Topic: AmericanTragedy

I've found a love
The love of life
A single dove
My fair wife

This love of mine
She wont lie
This valentine
She wont die

All the pain she's put me through
I'm tired of the sadness

Wont leave me alone
Till death killed her
Stepped into my zone
In the room I let occur

'Neath the floorboard
Struggling for life
This I couldnt afford
Till life ended with knife

Off to jail
Mill to bail
Electric's so hot
All the pain I've brought

Copyright © Amicus ... [ 2006-09-25 20:58:44]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Lover's Quarrel (User Rating: 1 )
by Oneir8dude on Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 09:39:25 PM AEST
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Wow went from happy life...
To none at all...

Very Dark... I hope this is fiction...
Cuz if it isn't I'm hidin' LOL

Nice flow... But I am scared now... LOL

Bill

Re: Lover's Quarrel (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 10:02:11 PM AEST
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its got a modern day poe feel to it. its good. keep on.

Re: Lover's Quarrel (User Rating: 1 )
by chulysnacky on Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 11:05:43 PM AEST
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I hope this is a fic poem, but if it is or isn't it's still good and I would've kept on writing if I were you, it has some flava.

Re: Lover's Quarrel (User Rating: 1 )
by poet_of_anger on Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 11:12:54 PM AEST
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It has good flow till the fourth stanza. Make sure you are able to keep your rhyme scheme without having to omit words, "till i ended with knife" you know that doesn't make as much sense as it could. Still, this isn't bad. Keep going one day you'll make me smile.

Re: Lover's Quarrel (User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on Tuesday, 26th September 2006 @ 12:14:37 AM AEST
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Kinda crazy....kinda funny....kinda wicked. I kinda liked it. LOL It really did have a cool flow to it. I was hearing it sort of being drummed out or rapped a tad. (and I am so a deadhead and not into rap) *smiles* That last stanza man, raw and sweet.
Peace, Laura (who welcomes you to YPDC)

Re: Lover's Quarrel (User Rating: 1 )
by atra_phasma on Friday, 27th October 2006 @ 01:18:38 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

nice one Amicus,
deliciously dark, ambiguous ending,
nice way to leave readers hanging.
Keep it up!

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