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Array ( [sid] => 126083 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => my advice [time] => 2006-09-22 15:16:14 [hometext] => this is a poem i wrote for a young girl giving her some advice it may lack structure but please tell me what you think [bodytext] => you can't trust everyone that pretends to be nice
it's hard to tell the difference between men and mice
before you let yourself love remember to think twice

the world is too mean to wear your heart on your sleeve
don't let anyone have a say in whether or not you achieve
you shouldn't let the world influence what you strongly believe

don't judge men the same 'cause we're not all that bad
don't hang on to things that make you all that sad
you can't hang on to a love that you never really had

as the world turns life goes by too fast
leaving you with memories that never seem to last
but remember that some are better off in the past
[comments] => 3 [counter] => 182 [topic] => 21 [informant] => brave_celt [notes] => Edited for spelling as requested. - Moderator_16 [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 0 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )

my advice

Contributed by brave_celt on Friday, 22nd September 2006 @ 03:16:14 PM in AEST
Topic: Lifepoems

you can't trust everyone that pretends to be nice
it's hard to tell the difference between men and mice
before you let yourself love remember to think twice

the world is too mean to wear your heart on your sleeve
don't let anyone have a say in whether or not you achieve
you shouldn't let the world influence what you strongly believe

don't judge men the same 'cause we're not all that bad
don't hang on to things that make you all that sad
you can't hang on to a love that you never really had

as the world turns life goes by too fast
leaving you with memories that never seem to last
but remember that some are better off in the past

Copyright © brave_celt ... [ 2006-09-22 15:16:14]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: my advice (User Rating: 1 )
by Kimberlynn on Friday, 22nd September 2006 @ 06:59:29 PM AEST
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That was really good! It has some really god advice and a really good flow to it.

Re: my advice (User Rating: 1 )
by CassandraCain on Saturday, 23rd September 2006 @ 10:13:06 PM AEST
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Once again, punctuation is key to get a message across. I've studied poetry for quite some time now. I notice the lack of commas, which also set off indicated breaks.

I really like the message. It is very clear and concise. I like how you used three lines in a stanza instead of the usual four. Very intriguing. This is definitely one of my favorites.

Re: my advice (User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on Sunday, 24th September 2006 @ 02:30:23 PM AEST
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Your message here is wonderful. Great write.
Peace, Laura

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