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| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 29-May 20:41:46 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 125505
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => my life sucks
[time] => 2006-09-08 20:46:59
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => it has sucked all my life it has a few moments of happiness but for most of the time, it sucks maybe its due to the fact that i am always looking for one thing that controls everything my health is bad due to all the junkfood i ate and i'm only 21! my relationship with my parents are non-existent i have no girlfriends or many friends i do not use correct punctuation or grammer when i write i am fat, lazy, unhealthy, depressed, and delusional i desperately need help please help me what a sad person i am i feel sorry for myself or do i? i have never smoked, drank(four times) or used drugs i have never been diagnosed with any mental abnormality yet i never was able to give up on my search for this "one thing that controls everything" am i delutional, do i need help? yet i know for sure that after a decade of searching(since i was 11), i just need a little more effort and i am able to reach it thus i don't care about anything else and always search anywhere i can for this one thing that controls everything when i say everything, i mean EVERYTHING. this one thing that shall set me free for eternity i still think i can get it, even if it takes a infinite life times, i shall not give up searching for it. i still don't have it, but i want it so much, sometimes i think this thing is true love i feel i am evil, filled with jealousy, rage, anger and resentment what is going on? i have often found what i thought was an attitude that helped balance my life, but it always gets destroyed by the great destroyer within me, it never lasts. what is going on? does anyone else have similar experiences? i know there are people who are in much worse situation then me, which just makes me feel all the more worse i have been waiting for so long, and nothing has changed i feel so messed up i always thought i was going to be great, but now reality hits me if you have read this far then you can stop because i'm going to continue to write stuff i don't know what's wrong with me, i wish i can solve it, but i have no solution i went to elementary, middle and high school just like any other kid, but somehow i'm completely messed up right now, just depressed all the time, but still never able to let go or give up this "one thing that controls everything" because its somehow controlling me and/or using its force to force me acquire it, what is going on? i have not focused on anything in my life except to acquire it just exactly what is it? IT is one thing that is above and beyond anything you can and can not imagine, it controls everything and itself, yet it is possible for me to control it if i am able to control it, that is the ultimate paradox that i must conquer: to control something that controls EVERYTHING i can not think of anything higher, harder or more impossible goal than this, thus i stop at this goal oh let me control you please, let me have you and i shall be free, let me control you and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii will be free. GIVE ME THE POWER I BEG OF YOU!!!!!!!!! it is i who is your encarnate, open your eyes, i am you [comments] => 0 [counter] => 147 [topic] => 43 [informant] => ZforZachariah [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
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