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If You're Going To Lie, Lie Big.

Contributed by faiton on Saturday, 26th August 2006 @ 03:25:29 PM in AEST
Topic: HumorPoetry



Derek was the classroom geek.
Full of maths and books, and weak,
And pale of skin, bespectacled, haunted
By the bigger boys who cruelly taunted

And punched, and pinched, and kicked, and hit
And held him down till he'd submit
To eat a slug that they had found
Or rub his face into the ground.

Most nights he'd go home in tears
Planning how, in coming years,
He'd annihilate his schoolyard bullies
And lynch them using complicated pulleys

He'd designed himself using basic trig.
And all too late they would twig
That they had been so taken in,
As the rope tightened, their legs would swing.

But for now he must win lesser fights,
To save him crying on most nights.
And then a chance one playtime,
An opportunity so sublime.

The usual game of playground vying,
Or more the point a game of lying
Of whose Dad was bigger than the rest,
Who had a job, good, better, the best.

"My Dad's a farmer, he's got a gun,
He'll shoot you all, just for fun".
"That's nothing, my Dad's a copper,"
Now that really was a conversation stopper.

"He'll throw you all in prison cells,
Where noone will ever hear your yells".
Now Derek took his chance at last,
And spoke up before the moment passed.

In a vague attempt to beat his teasers,
He bleated out, "My Grandad's Jesus!"
The Da Vinci Code he'd just read
And strange conspiracies filled his head.

The chatter stopped, the playing ceased,
The birds stopped singing, so it seemed at least.
"Your Grandad's what? The son of God?"
Derek agreed with a simple nod.

"You see he married Mary Magdelene,
And bought a house, they were cheap back then
And had some kids as you might have heard.
My Dad was one, I think the third".

"That's an interesting thought".
Said the biggest boy with a nasal snort.
Then launched into a verbal assualt
That would last till they were both adult.

And both had found lifetime careers,
The thug shaving old men's ears
And Derek flying as an astronaut
With a supermodel in every astroport.

From the playground, one hundred years on,
And both boys are now dead and gone.
One in a fiery pit, probed with hot pokers, screaming aloud,
The other, with his Grandad eating sweets, sitting on a cloud.




Copyright © faiton ... [ 2006-08-26 15:25:29]
(Date/Time posted on site)





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Re: If You're Going To Lie, Lie Big. (User Rating: 1 )
by alasdaircairns on Saturday, 26th August 2006 @ 04:08:44 PM AEST
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Very vivid and humourous. geeks always end up the happy vinicated ones-for they have brains. Lovee your piece. ACE!


Re: If You're Going To Lie, Lie Big. (User Rating: 1 )
by Ruby2sdy on Saturday, 26th August 2006 @ 04:38:08 PM AEST
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ah, the little nerd got his way in the end... i like stories like that... liking the way you poke fun at the da vinci code (that film is awful, the book's readable) great write my friend,

2sdyx


Re: If You're Going To Lie, Lie Big. (User Rating: 1 )
by Spike on Saturday, 26th August 2006 @ 06:30:49 PM AEST
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But the pulleys, man, the pulleys!!


Re: If You're Going To Lie, Lie Big. (User Rating: 1 )
by twbanter on Saturday, 26th August 2006 @ 06:41:28 PM AEST
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Clever wit, and well put. Reminds me of ME. But my Grandad was only Barrabass. Oh well....

Tom W


Re: If You're Going To Lie, Lie Big. (User Rating: 1 )
by lillyjane on Sunday, 27th August 2006 @ 09:52:07 AM AEST
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So funny really love it, although bullies are not.. brilliant poem xxx


Re: If You're Going To Lie, Lie Big. (User Rating: 1 )
by stripes on Friday, 1st September 2006 @ 08:57:31 PM AEST
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great poem
very commical




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