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Array ( [sid] => 124149 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Positively Speaking [time] => 2006-08-06 13:37:36 [hometext] => Just one of those raw, in-the-moment pieces...I wrote it a couple of months ago. [bodytext] => Slit the wrists
of the one who permits
A story like this
to end without kiss

Crumpling the cup
of something abrupt
Promiscuous at best
a soul-bearing test

On a mountain we climb
learn to turn on a dime
Another moment is snatched
another thought goes unhatched

We kiss and pretend
secretly pray for the end
When the pen no longer bleeds
the poet sits bereaved

The moon casts down in frowning glows
as rain pours down in crowning blows
Sheer force of a stubborn will
hastily leads to an amateur kill.

[comments] => 8 [counter] => 469 [topic] => 48 [informant] => hauntedscorp [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 15 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

Positively Speaking

Contributed by hauntedscorp on Sunday, 6th August 2006 @ 01:37:36 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

Slit the wrists
of the one who permits
A story like this
to end without kiss

Crumpling the cup
of something abrupt
Promiscuous at best
a soul-bearing test

On a mountain we climb
learn to turn on a dime
Another moment is snatched
another thought goes unhatched

We kiss and pretend
secretly pray for the end
When the pen no longer bleeds
the poet sits bereaved

The moon casts down in frowning glows
as rain pours down in crowning blows
Sheer force of a stubborn will
hastily leads to an amateur kill.

Copyright © hauntedscorp ... [ 2006-08-06 13:37:36]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Positively Speaking (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Sunday, 6th August 2006 @ 02:11:17 PM AEST
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Damn, Scorperiffic!!!! This certainly is Scorperiffic!!!!!!! Metaphorical wizardry and you left the audience wanting more.....which is always the best thing to do...leave 'em wanting more!!!!!!!

Wow,

TIMbo

Re: Positively Speaking (User Rating: 1 )
by fielding88 on Sunday, 6th August 2006 @ 02:13:42 PM AEST
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lol, well for a raw, in the moment-type piece you've rhymed well, gave your write surprising structure, and you used some very good ideas in this one. There's a lot of enjoyable things here, my favorite stanza being the second-to-last. Very nice Scorp : )

Re: Positively Speaking (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Sunday, 6th August 2006 @ 02:44:21 PM AEST
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That was an in the moment write? Geez, very well done scorpz, you never cease to amaze. A lot of metaphors as tim said, makes the reader actually think instead of having the poem as a whole handed to them on a plate, or perhaps silver platter in this case. A pleasure always scorpz, looking forward to more.

-Cassy

Re: Positively Speaking (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Sunday, 6th August 2006 @ 03:00:05 PM AEST
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Well holy heck scorperino!! If this is positive speak,
I'd hate to see the opposing composition! lol

I would tend to agree with fielding .. the second last
stanza is incredible! Nice to see a new write from you hun!

~Breezy
(how was Niagara? :P)

Re: Positively Speaking (User Rating: 1 )
by deadheadpoet on Sunday, 6th August 2006 @ 09:17:20 PM AEST
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I loved the flow of this....it had me moving right along. I too liked the metaphors. I kinda felt a bite to this. Good write, sis.
Peace, Laura

Re: Positively Speaking (User Rating: 1 )
by SocialMisfit on Saturday, 12th August 2006 @ 03:49:33 AM AEST
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well holy shat, its been awile since i was here, but i got an urge to come and see if you hade posted anything new and exciteing, and what do i read first!!!!! this amazing write :P

SM

Re: Positively Speaking (User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on Monday, 13th November 2006 @ 10:50:14 PM AEST
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awesome wrtie scorp!

wiz

Re: Positively Speaking (User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on Wednesday, 15th November 2006 @ 10:14:45 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

This is amazing... Loved it...

Take care
Christina

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