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Array
(
[sid] => 123388
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Stupid Goth Girl
[time] => 2006-07-18 20:11:01
[hometext] => Sorry I'm not what you expected...
[bodytext] =>  I never meant it to be this way….I never meant it to be so wrong. I miss what we were…I miss what was and what I can never have again. I miss the one I lost in the mix of it all. I want everything back to the beginning, so I wouldn’t have to live this all down…so I wouldn’t have to feel this pain anymore. I want to go back and erase myself completely. Stupid Goth girl…she just cries. Stupid Goth girl…watch her as she cuts herself under night skies. Stupid Goth girl…no one loves her like the way she craves. Stupid Goth girl…she’s not the same as the rest of us. See her pain. It makes us laugh. I never meant it to get so far. I never meant it to hurt so badly, but these wounds won’t heal. They bleed right under my skin. I never meant to let myself die like this, but I died in your arms and I left with him. My heart was packed away with his house and my body remains with you. My mind is lost somewhere in the darkness of time, as I try to remember what I was before. Stupid Goth girl…she dresses in black to betray her love of white. Stupid Goth girl…all she wants is to die. Stupid Goth girl…hates everyone and wants nothing more than to be loved. Stupid Goth girl…just wants someone at her funeral. See her pain. See her suffer. I never meant to be this way. I just want to be what I feel inside. I don’t want to be blonde and I don’t want to be what everyone wants me to be. I want to be what I see in the mirror. Maybe I’m depressed. Maybe I need help, but right now I just want to be loved for who I am. I want someone to tell me it’s all worth while. That I will make something of myself. I just want a guy to say I’m beautiful and to mean every word. I just want to feel happy so maybe I won’t have to feel the darkness destroying my insides. I just want to run. I want to run far. I want to run to the one I lost, because he will understand… He will understand that I’ve forsaken God for the darkness. He will understand why I cry. He will understand what I run from. I want you to see. I want you to hold me. I want to love again. I never meant to let it get this far and I’m sorry I’ll never be what I was before. Because I’m a stupid Goth girl.  [comments] => 5 [counter] => 166 [topic] => 75 [informant] => MG_Akela22090 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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