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Array
(
[sid] => 12311
[catid] => 1
[aid] => Mick
[title] => Moments Of Suicide
[time] => 2003-02-09 22:00:00
[hometext] => These are not my exact feelings. I have had a few thoughts, nothing major. These have just been exaggerated.
[bodytext] => I'm sitting here- I'm all alone
Nobody is here with me Only my fear and my future What should I do? I've been here before Mom? are you there? Is that you? Dad? Hello? How come no one can hear me? Won't someone help me stand? Where is the gun? The rope? the pills? Which way should I go? the pills look painless the gun looks quick the rope looks pleasantly sickening I don't like myself anymore I'm ugly, I'm weird, i'm fat, I'm not normal, I'm too different I know you say I'm not But you don't matter Its, "them," that matters Its my friends that matter Its my peers that matter I try to look good all the time Only to be slashed by, "friends." I don't want to be here anymore Alright? I admit it, so just leave me alone You can't do anything about it I feel so sad all the time And I don't know what to do I feel like i'm sinking deeper and deeper Its been this way for so long So how could you possibly help me Help me in a positive way- The water tastes fresh Distasteful beads shoved down my throat Oh no! wait! I don't want to leave Mom! Dad! wait! No! I can't go now I'm scared, help, someone God can't anybody hear me? I don't know what to do, I'm panicing Someone save me for a while Relax-Rest Lay on the couch and write your letter You'll be alright My body is rising Comfort- Get up, can't you rise again? You always told me heaven is beautiful You said that it'd be great I want to live there Sounds more calm up there I wish I wasn't here I'm feeling tired, sleepy I feel so relaxed and free Is this how I die? I'm dieing without any pain For a split second its been put behind me And it feels great A big burden has been taken off I love this This is how I pictured it to be Beautiful, no tears... I love this [comments] => 1 [counter] => 160 [topic] => 43 [informant] => SpreadYourWings [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )
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