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| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 29-May 17:36:15 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 122502
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => untitled - it's for you to decide what to call it
[time] => 2006-06-29 12:22:16
[hometext] => me against myself. if you can win yourself you can win the world.
[bodytext] => M.E? - when i look at myself i'm disgusted what have i become? i hate you, but you are just a part of me... i finally understand - i hate myself i always know it but i never admit it often enough the war i fought against the world should have been preceded by another war against myself if i can win myself i can win the world but now i am tearing myself apart as the war i am fighting is a self-inflicted coma on my conscience. full of poisin the one i need to kill and destroy is me - the worst of me the best of me must survive it's a cold war it's fought inside my head - lately i can barely think straight because the bloodsheding has dumbed my senses the blood i bleed is my own somehow i choose to bleed - i want to hurt myself so bad right now i'm all empty - but did you know i got 770 and 780 out of 800 in my tests they tell me well done - it's enough to get into Harvard but i dont feel a thing - am i dead? not quite. or else i wouldnt be here writing about my war. i feel sick... me against me. doesnt that sound funny. it certainly does to me. yet im not laughing i am simply dying without see the outpouring of blood that's even worse - at least i want to see my blood to asure myself t hat at least i got something to bleed with sream in silence - well i used to think that's bad but what if you cant scream at all? that's worse. i just realize. hey i can think! but the war is still inside my head how long will this temporary peace last? day and night - i am alice like a ghost yet when i punch myself i still feel my face why? who knows... *****. the war is starting over again i can hear myself scream inside my head but another me is just dead like a rock too heavy to move, too stuffed to have lungs to breathe i remember somehting beautiful - but i was never beautiful dont get me wrong. the fighting has left me hating... but for what? who? how? when? and why? it's not right - i lead a double life is he ok? thank you for asking - i am sure he will be, if you just stay with himfor a while but i am not sure he deserve anything at all - you see when one walks over the line and become soemone one hates that hatred freeze one's heart. there's no anger - too tired for that. but there is always sighing. hope we can all breathe in now - but i know only a part of me can do that. i feel ashamed splinters of glass grows inside my heart i feel pain, shame, frustration, fear, desire i know what's right - but why do i keep losing my fight? a thorn for every heart? i wish my heart is yanked out and painly squashed until i can scream and choke on my own bitter blood and say - finally i am awakened afterword: several pieces of fragments, pieced together to give life a meaning a meaning i am never satisfied with a gun at my sight, a gun in a hand. pull the trigger? no - i did that last time and it almost pulled me apart, while being alive i fought myself and won last time what will happen this time? [comments] => 2 [counter] => 164 [topic] => 21 [informant] => ibelieve-dreamsonhorizon [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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