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Array ( [sid] => 121465 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => she bleeds to live again [time] => 2006-06-07 21:59:36 [hometext] => any tips or thoughts of how I can change it helps a lot and thankyou for reading my poetry [bodytext] => What once was a shining star now that of a burnt light bulb, no more hope in those once bountiful eyes

Inside she cries, the scars on her arms speak their own words

Her mind is in denial, she bleeds she bleeds and the tears are released as blood

She bleeds, she bleeds out of every pore in hope of feeling alive once more
[comments] => 5 [counter] => 166 [topic] => 48 [informant] => blackrose233 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

she bleeds to live again

Contributed by blackrose233 on Wednesday, 7th June 2006 @ 09:59:36 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

What once was a shining star now that of a burnt light bulb, no more hope in those once bountiful eyes

Inside she cries, the scars on her arms speak their own words

Her mind is in denial, she bleeds she bleeds and the tears are released as blood

She bleeds, she bleeds out of every pore in hope of feeling alive once more

Copyright © blackrose233 ... [ 2006-06-07 21:59:36]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: she bleeds to live again (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 7th June 2006 @ 10:43:57 PM AEST
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this is pretty good writing, but i would change "bountiful" to "beautiful." you dont have to, its just a suggestion.

otherwise, good write

Re: she bleeds to live again (User Rating: 1 )
by blackprayer on Thursday, 8th June 2006 @ 09:25:30 AM AEST
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What once was a shining star now that of a burnt light bulb,
no more hope in those once beautiful eyes

Inside she cries,
and the scars on her arms speak
their own words

Her mind is in denial, she bleeds
she cries rivers of blood

She bleeds, she bleeds out of every pore in hope of feeling alive once more

I would change the last stanza... That and break up the poem a little so it doesn't have a run on feeling once posted. Remember once posted they are centered. Outside of that and making it longer, you really just have to find your own style and what works for you. It was a good poem and honestly there was nothing wrong with it. I do agree with the beautiful part though. :)

Re: she bleeds to live again (User Rating: 1 )
by bronzen on Friday, 9th June 2006 @ 01:30:45 AM AEST
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nice write

Re: she bleeds to live again (User Rating: 1 )
by Whisper on Tuesday, 13th June 2006 @ 04:14:03 PM AEST
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I don't understand this one She bleeds becoz of the burnt out light bulp ? There should be more words for reasoning why she's looking to scratch to stay alive . Gee this one is a confusion. Helter Skelter

Whisper

Re: she bleeds to live again (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Monday, 25th September 2006 @ 04:10:16 PM AEST
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very emotional i completly understand what you were saying. i didnt find it confusing

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