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let ur lover
Contributed by
ilovebrittany
on
Sunday, 7th May 2006 @ 05:58:09 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
grab onto the handles with a great grasp
cuz before u kno it ur riding the waves and it hurts a lot more than uve ever expected
let ur lover hold on to u and make u safe
let ur lover protect u more than ever
let ur lover become u let ur lover take ur heart in hand and make sure not even a speck of dust comes upon it.. let ur lover love u and love ur lover til sickness and death cuz i kno the vows will last forever between us.. and we will make the standards for love a million times higher cuz we rode the ride and now we are waiting in line to get right back on
Copyright ©
ilovebrittany
... [
2006-05-07 17:58:09]
(Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: let ur lover
(User Rating: 1 )
by ElliotRS on
Sunday, 7th May 2006 @ 09:44:59 PM AEST
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a Message)
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if u were my man,
id make woopie with u all the time.
good stuff |
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Re: let ur lover
(User Rating: 1 )
by emystar on
Monday, 8th May 2006 @ 03:06:57 AM AEST
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Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
whoopi u go now.
huggs, big smiles,
emy
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Re: let ur lover
(User Rating: 1 )
by Fionndruinne on
Monday, 8th May 2006 @ 04:37:11 AM AEST
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Well, I'll say first that this was rather lyrical, and I commend you on that.
That said, I beg you to take the time to use real English to write your poetry. This false messenger-speak does its best to squeeze all poetry out of this piece, because poetry rests on language, both the way it sounds and the way it spreads across a page. Each word is latent with the history that's made it what it is. This means that the way a word looks says something about its place in the language. This kind of writing, though, speaks of immaturity, lack of understanding of language and transient (non-lasting) ideals.
I know you can do better. Your language doesn't have to knock us over - and simplicity is often a major plus - but it needs to be real.
Andrew |
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