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Array ( [sid] => 118959 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Broken Family [time] => 2006-04-25 12:37:09 [hometext] => I wrote this poem about a broken family because it happened to me when I was young, and now its happening to my nephews; its my way of showing them I know how they feel [bodytext] =>
What’s wrong daddy; why are you angry
What’s happening daddy; why are you yelling
What can I do; why is mommy so sad
What’s going on; why can’t you stay
What’s going to happen to me; where am I going to live

I don’t want two addresses; I’m caught in the middle
I don’t want to choose; this isn’t fair
I don’t want her around me; you can’t make me call her mom
I don’t want a stepbrother; what’s wrong with me and my brother
I don’t want you to leave; isn’t mommy good enough

Why are you taking the family portrait; that picture is just a lie now
Why are you making me choose; don’t you love mommy
Why are you doing this; was it something I did
Why did you have to hurt me; can't we go back to being a family
Why are you leaving; I'll be good I promise

Please don't look at her that way daddy; she's not mommy
Please don't tell her that; she will never be mommy
Please don't make me hug her; I hate her daddy
Please don't make me do this; I miss mommy
Please don't live here; come back home with me and mommy
[comments] => 1 [counter] => 272 [topic] => 48 [informant] => silver_runaway [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )

Broken Family

Contributed by silver_runaway on Tuesday, 25th April 2006 @ 12:37:09 PM in AEST
Topic: EmotionalPoetry

What’s wrong daddy; why are you angry
What’s happening daddy; why are you yelling
What can I do; why is mommy so sad
What’s going on; why can’t you stay
What’s going to happen to me; where am I going to live

I don’t want two addresses; I’m caught in the middle
I don’t want to choose; this isn’t fair
I don’t want her around me; you can’t make me call her mom
I don’t want a stepbrother; what’s wrong with me and my brother
I don’t want you to leave; isn’t mommy good enough

Why are you taking the family portrait; that picture is just a lie now
Why are you making me choose; don’t you love mommy
Why are you doing this; was it something I did
Why did you have to hurt me; can't we go back to being a family
Why are you leaving; I'll be good I promise

Please don't look at her that way daddy; she's not mommy
Please don't tell her that; she will never be mommy
Please don't make me hug her; I hate her daddy
Please don't make me do this; I miss mommy
Please don't live here; come back home with me and mommy

Copyright Â© silver_runaway ... [ 2006-04-25 12:37:09]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Broken Family (User Rating: 1 )
by Essentially9 on Tuesday, 25th April 2006 @ 10:24:42 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

your anaphora wasnt excessive to me, but that is because i didnt notice it. that in itself is surprising, but i suppose its due to such long lines and the substance that goes with them.

i was looking for a particular tone in this that is sort of childlike and innocent but it wasnt that clearly expressed to me. of course this tone is in competition with some of the greats ive come across, but this poem seems to lack feeling and that sort of tone. that tone gives the poem more life. i think because it was such a fast paced poem that the tone just got swallowed in the speed. every line seem to present a new topic and bringing some focus to more areas would have slowed it down and perhaps made it more emotional and have a tone that jumps off the page. even though your diction, style, and worduse reflected childlike qualities i just didnt feel a child was saying it. it does get the concept across extremely well, which can be hard with reverting to such a style.

While every care is taken to ensure the general sites content is family safe, our moderators cannot be in all places; all the time. Please report poetry and or comments that are in breach of our site rules HERE (Please include poem title or url). Parents also please ensure that you supervise your children well when they are on the internet; regardless of what a site says about being, or being considered, child-safe.

Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. Â©

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