Your Poetry Dot Com

Welcome to Your Poetry Dot Com - Read, Rate, Comment on, or Submit Poetry. Browse Poetry Forums, or just enjoy other parts of our poetic community.
One of the largest databases of poetry on the net, now over 198,500+ poems!

Poems On Site: 198,500+ Comments On Poems: 427,000+ Forum Posts: 105,000+

Custom Search


Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	29-May 16:06:32 AEST

Menu

· Our eBay Store

· Error Submit

Poetry

· Submit Poetry

· Least Read Poems

· Members Listing

· Old Site Post 2001

· Old Site Pre 2001

· Poetry Archive

· Public Domain Poetry

Stories

· Stories (NEW ! )

· Submit Story

· Story Topics

· Stories Archive

· Story Search

Community

· Our Poetry Forums

· Our Arcade
100's of Games !

Site Help

· FAQ

· Feedback

Members Areas

· Your Account

· Members Journals

· Premium Sign-Up

Premium Section

· Special Section

· Premium Poems

· Premium Submit

· Premium Search

· Premium Archive

· Premium Topics

Fun & Games

· Jokes

· Bubble Puzzle

· Cross Word Easy

· Word Hunt

Reference

· Dictionary (Rhyming)

· Site Updates

· Special Content

Search

Top

Help This Site

· Donations

Others

· Moderators

Our Other Sites

· Embroidery Design Store
· Your Jokes
· Special Urls
· JM Embroideries
· Public Domain Poetry and Stories
· Diamond Dotz
· Cooking Info and Recipes
· Quoof - Australian Story

Social

Array ( [sid] => 118782 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Perfect Vision: A curse? [time] => 2006-04-22 01:39:06 [hometext] => [bodytext] => I hate these eyes of mine!
I wish I could rip them out of my head or at least lose this crystal clear focus.
That’s what everyone wants these days: focus.
But with this unnatural clarity, I see too clearly.
I see every little mistake and I despise myself for it.
I know perfection is only a perception of our eyes,
But I want ignorance and bliss so I can finish my work.
I have so many ideas that never survive.
They are cut down in their prime by this razor sharp glass.
And I am killing myself...
I am killing my ideas and my passion!
My soul is lost in a hole so deep, no light penetrates.
But I have one guiding light and inspiration:
Love.
Given and received but never selfishly stolen.
This compromise of two souls intertwined is my light in Hell.
And I love my eyes for that.
For letting me see my love.
For letting me finally see perfection.
I can look upon her soul and for once, I see no blemishes.
She allows me to see my eyes as a gift, and not a curse.
She stays my clawing hands and brings peace to me.
So I can finally close my eyes...and sleep.

~Phil Greene, III [comments] => 4 [counter] => 230 [topic] => 43 [informant] => PGreene [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => oops )

Perfect Vision: A curse?

Contributed by PGreene on Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 01:39:06 AM in AEST
Topic: oops

I hate these eyes of mine!
I wish I could rip them out of my head or at least lose this crystal clear focus.
That’s what everyone wants these days: focus.
But with this unnatural clarity, I see too clearly.
I see every little mistake and I despise myself for it.
I know perfection is only a perception of our eyes,
But I want ignorance and bliss so I can finish my work.
I have so many ideas that never survive.
They are cut down in their prime by this razor sharp glass.
And I am killing myself...
I am killing my ideas and my passion!
My soul is lost in a hole so deep, no light penetrates.
But I have one guiding light and inspiration:
Love.
Given and received but never selfishly stolen.
This compromise of two souls intertwined is my light in Hell.
And I love my eyes for that.
For letting me see my love.
For letting me finally see perfection.
I can look upon her soul and for once, I see no blemishes.
She allows me to see my eyes as a gift, and not a curse.
She stays my clawing hands and brings peace to me.
So I can finally close my eyes...and sleep.

~Phil Greene, III

Copyright Â© PGreene ... [ 2006-04-22 01:39:06]
(Date/Time posted on site)

Advertisments:

Previous Posted Poem | | Next Posted Poem

Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more

All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title etc.

Re: Perfect Vision: A curse? (User Rating: 1 )
by wizard on Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 09:28:33 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

interesting write.. i enjoyed it.

wiz

Re: Perfect Vision: A curse? (User Rating: 1 )
by Brasco on Saturday, 22nd April 2006 @ 01:42:21 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Great perspective, brilliant!

Re: Perfect Vision: A curse? (User Rating: 1 )
by TheSpiritx on Saturday, 29th April 2006 @ 04:25:16 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

The free style is best suited for this content.

And the content itself is pretty good. You may want to aim at personalizing it a bit more, but at no fault of your own - a lot of people write things quite similar to this, so when you reach down into your feelings about the matter at hand, you add a touch of yourself to it that, I think, helps the poem. If you're concerned about doing that for fear of making it less universal in application, your poems are yours alone and they will find an audience if they have an opportunity.

Word choice was a plus, but you may want to tweak a few things here and there. clear and clarity are derived from the same word base and, in my experience (remember, you should keep your own style, I am only providing suggestions), they don't tend to work out so close together.

"I know perfection is only a perception of our eyes," is a good like... it has what's called internal rhyme, meaning that perception and perfection complete a rhyme there. You should consider using that a little bit in poems of this style, but be careful not to overuse it!

Another thing to consider is that a poem is just as significant in what it doesn't say as what it does. Spacing in a poem can be the difference between a good one and a bad one, so remember that structure has an impact on poetry.

:) TS

Re: Perfect Vision: A curse? (User Rating: 1 )
by Socks on Friday, 30th June 2006 @ 06:16:08 PM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

There are so many times which I wish I could have been ignorant. Life would have been so much more interesting.

I liked the first part of your poem the best and my favourite lines were:

"And I am killing myself..."
"And I love my eyes for that"

While every care is taken to ensure the general sites content is family safe, our moderators cannot be in all places; all the time. Please report poetry and or comments that are in breach of our site rules HERE (Please include poem title or url). Parents also please ensure that you supervise your children well when they are on the internet; regardless of what a site says about being, or being considered, child-safe.

Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. Â©

Opinions expressed in the poetry, comments, forums etc. on this site are not necessarily those of this site, its owners and/or operators; but of the individuals who post items to this site.
Frequently Asked Questions | | | Privacy Policy | | | Contact Webmaster

All submitted items are Copyright Â© to their submitter. All the rest Copyright Â© 2002-2050 by Your Poetry Dot Com

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owners.

Script Generation Time: 0.052 Seconds. - View our Site Map | .© your-poetry.com