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All You Can Ask For
Contributed by
Drapes
on
Sunday, 16th April 2006 @ 08:03:21 PM in AEST
Topic:
LovePoetry
|
I'll be your homerun, if you give me a little bump.
I'll be your deadly bullet, if you supply the gun.
I'll be your boat on a stranded island, if you could spare me a plank of wood.
I'll be the spotless sky on game day, if you help rid the last cloud.
I'll be your life support, you just have to keep breathing.
I'll be your floating device, you just have to keep swimming.
I'll be your A plus, just at least aim for a B.
I'll be your spare key on a rainy day, just don't misplace me.
I'll be a five dollar bill, just waiting for you to find.
I'll be your friendly shadow, staying close behind.
I'll be the shine in your eyes, if you just spare me a glance.
I'll be your everything, if you just give me a chance.
Copyright ©
Drapes
... [
2006-04-16 20:03:21] (Date/Time posted on
site)
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Re: All You Can Ask For
(User Rating: 1 ) by Lady_Daisy on
Monday, 17th April 2006 @ 12:08:05 AM AEST (User
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a Message)
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Hmm... The stucture seems to be a little off for me. How about;
I'll be your home run
if you give me a little bump
etc
etc.. |
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Re: All You Can Ask For
(User Rating: 1 ) by Former_Member on
Monday, 17th April 2006 @ 02:51:32 PM AEST (User
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a Message)
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it does seem kinda forced. i like the idea and the words are cool. maybe if you spent a little more time with it, rearrange a few of the lines, or get the flow a little more uniform (?)
D.Sapelo |
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