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Array
(
[sid] => 118274
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => My Suicide
[time] => 2006-04-13 19:48:25
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => The razor sinks into my skin Bringing back the numb feeling I yearn for daily It's a release of the pain I feel within Blood flows down my arm in narrow streams Inner healing traded for physical bleeding Taking me away to a world in my dreams The blood now covers the blade and my hand I ignore the pain and dream away In my head, my toes are sinking into the watery sand I think, why do I have to be this way? Why am I feeling this pain? My life is a repeat everyday I come home, cut, fight, and cry It's always the same And the feeling won't go away, I just want to die The razor won't kill me But it's going deeper as the days keep coming Go under the skin, drain away the hurt, can't you see I'm dying, pulling away from the world, whimpering in pain I just stare at the ceiling, then reach over and grab a pen And the sobs burst out, they were too hard to contain In my notebook, I write my death letter Letting go of the pain and the hurt I've felt through out the years As the words scribble across the page, I start to feel better The page is covered in blood, but it doesn't matter anymore I start to go weak and feel dizzy My hands and eyes are sore But I keep writing Everything I've wanted to say, All of the apologies for the fighting I drop the paper and my eyes open and close one more time My breathing becomes slower and drifts off And I slip into Eternity with the comfort that the pain is over, as is my lifetime The letter holds all the pain I've held in and couldn't let out When you see it, I'll be long gone And you'll know what the hate was about Why I would fight, cry, and you'll know why I cut You'll know why I hurt and who hurt me And why everyone thought I was a **** The front door opens and you walk in You yell, "Hey honey, I'm home. Look what I bought today," You may want to start over again and forget our grudges we hold within But when you walk into my room, I'll be gone, no longer here And you'll look around in the place of my doom Yes, I'm really dead I was too weak to stand the pain Are you regretting everything you said? Well, don't, it wasn't only you I had many problems Others had hurt me too You read the letter and cry You tears mix with my blood, Why, oh why, did your baby have to die? I'll tell you why... I was hurting and couldn't take it I wasn't smart enough to get help, so I left without a good-bye My body lies on the bed and you look at me, Waiting for me to get up and say it's all a joke I'm so young how could this be? Well, young people die everyday Dying with all the anger they felt Everything they refused to say Sorry, Mom, I had to leave I know I hurt you But just have faith, believe I'm not hurting anymore that's why I died It was the pain that killed me And every bitter tear I'd cried Move on, go on Live your life without me You can't help me now 'cause I'm gone [comments] => 8 [counter] => 179 [topic] => 36 [informant] => lilbabe [notes] => Edited due to the use of a banned word. - Moderator_16 [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 10 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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