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Array
(
[sid] => 118176
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => KNOTTED ROPE
[time] => 2006-04-11 23:35:11
[hometext] => wrote this 1yr. 1/2 ago- one of my fav.s just read it- its about untangling from twisted confusion
[bodytext] => My life is like a knotted rope It is messy and untangle-able (un-tangible) I am tediously intertwined In and out, and out back in see, & you will find I have messed my self up hard and good Finding myself pretty twisted I am twisted and backwards I am upside down and way-word I have found my self so tightly knotted up In a twisted and un-tangible way, for no one can help I am tightly gripped with-in my mess I dont think I can untangle any of this I want out I want untangling to come about But I cant do it Like a puzzle, it has to have a perfect fit So with A rope, the same strategy has to be applied to it Every knot has to fit through each hole The same way that every piece has to fit in a puzzle Every hole and every knot Has to come undone the same way that it got So tiny and mind boggling this is I think I am going to scream out in hopelessness I feel I have been coming undone, Only enough so I can breath some But In a way, I am now more kinked I am hurting so much to even think My body is angled uncomfortably My head is upside down with blood rushing Rushing to my head Making me feel I will be dead I got caught up in this rope More tangled than before, feeling no hope I thought I was coming undone From this twisted confusion But it seems as though I am deeper with-in With in this sickness Thats keeping me here, that is I feel like, the more I move The knot gets tighter instead of loose I feel it cutting into me Causing me to bleed I feel it wanting to strangle me Causing submission to let this all be To let this knot be this way for always To let this mumbo-jumbo forever stay this way No body can figure out this mess Its all just hopelessness I guess the bottom line is, That this is all bringing me to the next phase Unleashing my most inner darkest and deepest, Profound, confused and twisted desires of every wish I am split into two I have two personalities that make me confused I dont want out you see, because every excuse Only means I really like being miss-used Bruised and beaten Torn, cut and bleeding Because I dont know any other way Well, at least thats what I say Its hard to believe from this, Any good can come out of it There is no good in this world Only confusion and hatred Oh, but I do want out Please! Some one hear this more than my every scream I cry out In miss-belief and doubt Please! tell me that I have the power to stretch out Out, beyond my wildest dreams Where rainbows and unicorns will be To reach beyond my limited space And imagine the perfect place Where freedom rings And love sings Where happy things exist And joy is the feeling instead of hopelessness and bliss Im now back to phase one Still twisted in this knot of confusion I am tangled, and intertwined Caught up in this game with-in my mind I might as well be dead instead of living For all I am doing is nothing Not even trying to break free Letting the strangling intimidate me Letting the tightness shorten breath me I am confused in my own mind Dont know between real and imagination A lie, I am stuck believing . . . For letting myself be, Is the same as turning to Satan and worshiping well, he This battle, I let him win Between real and imagination You see, because only in my mind I am tangled in a rope Only in my mind there is no hope Only in my thoughts I believe This hopeless story Only in my mind I let this story end in misery Getting me no where but back to the beginning Back to the beginning where within this rope I am twisting Only in my twisted mind I would believe these pack of lies Only in my heart I choose to let Satan Tell me that it wasnt him That got me strangled With in this intangible rope If this is how my story ends, Then I should not let myself know the alternative end Because, If I got out of this battle from deep with-in, I would find I am not really in strangling That it was all imaginary Not real but as fake as an unrealistic fantasy Its time to break free From this tormenting Time to let go of this misery Time to let go and see the real me Time to rid of this un-real, yet real feeling Of being destroyed before I can even start trying It is my mind its my time And it is time to take back what is rightfully mine My brain and the power to choose my own thoughts I have the power to control my own stories and plots And this is how my plot will end No un-real thing will take me to my lifes end I have control of my own story And this I choose for me. Stirring up all the will power I have with in me, I focus my thoughts on breaking free Seeing the ropes untangling I throw them far, far away from me Walking away, I am now From those ropes that tied me down I am now free Singing the pure joy of victory by shanna swift9-23-04 [comments] => 1 [counter] => 197 [topic] => 61 [informant] => Adelle [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => selfstruggles )
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