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| Welcome ! | Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link | 29-May 17:57:04 AEST | ||
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Array
(
[sid] => 117743
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => THE BATTLE
[time] => 2006-04-05 01:57:18
[hometext] => addiction of an eating dissorder due to sexual and emotional abuse- first time ever writng the truth of what goes on inside my soul on paper- or even being so honest to so many strangers- please, comments are welcome
[bodytext] => every day I battle inside of me this devil this demon and destroyer the voice of the other- these words I do speak these words you will read is not the voice that now speaks it is the voice of the other inner me the voice devilishly consuming me to pains and aches of misery and many years of this I have suffered silently alone in my dark soul sad and miserably cold fear and unbelief set inside of me never to go away, remaining still in me this voice this torment this enemy and demon I sit in the darkness of my soul completely and utterly alone this demon tells me to tell no soul for no one would comprehend or help so every day, I continued to eat this way only crumbs of few and working it off, quickly relieved, “fhew” cant let food take me away it will kill me anyway so in the darkness of my thoughts I miserably become more twisted and lost many years pass by and the battle I continue to fight inside for the other inner me this one of that now speaks knows of my great divinity yet those fears of my current and past tears haunt me of the torment I don’t want to remember the abandonment and hurt and the loud words spoken to me I am not smart yet I know its wrong and for my trust God does long can I give him this control? Can I let it go? But every day I constantly battle and fight eating then crying cant keep it inside to the gym to the bathroom no one would understand this horrifying doom cant give it up, cant be alone with all that food cant allow it to within me consume fear of those extra pounds kills me inside and out but fear of being sick unhealthy and depleted destroys my inner beauty I still have kill this demon, I want with anger and hate I cant stand this everyday misery and pain but today I sit here as my stomach hurts beyond repair God what have I done? Oh what have I done? Finally I utter the words that inside so badly hurts and like a little child I feel oh, God cradle me still? [comments] => 5 [counter] => 321 [topic] => 66 [informant] => Adelle [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 9 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => drugabuse )
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