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Array
(
[sid] => 117349
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => And so the past returns...
[time] => 2006-03-30 01:02:45
[hometext] => wow..this was a completely free and an emotional ramble honestly...and it hurts but it's true..this is a struggle i have.....it may be a ramble..but i think it is poetry in it's truest form...unplanned..unedited...
[bodytext] => after i vowed to get over it on my own..and that all i had to do was forget.... Did not want to speak of this but now it is too late these cuts have been reopend now and the blood flows freely out blood in the form of words pain in form of tears i trust you enough to share this but once i start i cannot stop I don't know why you did not hush me I don't understand why you listend It makes no sense to me why did you let me go back? Now my childhood becomes more clear Everything i went through all the little ways she messed me up Now i realize how much is her fault These memories hurt more then you know but you let me talk of them The healthy thing for me is to forget but you let me go back You should of changed the subject you should of told me to stop now i'm open, i'm bleeding and there is nothing i can do.... I know better then to trust this way It is just as much my fault and now if you want to keep my trust I need you to make me feel better I need you to say the right words The ones to make it go away be careful of the wrong words the words that will make it stay.... and so the past returns......i am just her little girl....i am not alowd to be anything more i need you to understand now that you know about this i need you to understand that i still feel this way and now i need you tell me it is ok and that i am not her little girl tell me that i am ok now...i need you to tell me that i will be ok tell me i am not in her prison tell me that she does not controle me tell me that it is all over tell me she cannot manipulate me... tell me because the past is returning... tell me i am more then her little girl....please.. tell me i am alowed to breath tell me that when i walk out the front door i don't have to answer to her tell me that she does not win tell me that she will not take you away tell me that my thoughts and my decisions are mine now... tell me i am not her little girl....tell me you have the key to the cell..... i am tired and i do not want to do this again i am tired of crying i am so tired.....of everything.... i love her but feel that is another form of her manipulation... she knows this i bet...that i love her so much that i see the good things she has done for me and it hurts that i can hate her so much, yet love her the same i don't know what to do now...and you let me start this and now i do not want to look like a wining victim who thinks their life just sucks because that was her little girl....and i am not her little girl anymore....... [comments] => 4 [counter] => 313 [topic] => 6 [informant] => purplestary [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 14 [ratings] => 3 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => AngryPoetry )
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