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Array ( [sid] => 116861 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Too Fast, Too Young [time] => 2006-03-22 16:06:43 [hometext] => I know, I stink, but I never said I was Sylvia Plath!!! [bodytext] => Growing up
side by side
we fought, we laughed
we hurt, we tried
we said forever
ever too soon
and saw the end
before we knew
we promised together
to what we'll never
have a chance to know
we probably should have took it slow [comments] => 5 [counter] => 173 [topic] => 32 [informant] => MSU_freak [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 4 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => SadPoetry )

Too Fast, Too Young

Contributed by MSU_freak on Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 04:06:43 PM in AEST
Topic: SadPoetry

Growing up
side by side
we fought, we laughed
we hurt, we tried
we said forever
ever too soon
and saw the end
before we knew
we promised together
to what we'll never
have a chance to know
we probably should have took it slow

Copyright © MSU_freak ... [ 2006-03-22 16:06:43]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Too Fast, Too Young (User Rating: 1 )
by moses on Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 05:27:06 PM AEST
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You deffinitly do not suck...I actually really liked this poem.

we said forever
ever too soon

Loved that part.

Well done and keep it up,
-moses

Re: Too Fast, Too Young (User Rating: 1 )
by lostinmyself on Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 05:51:20 PM AEST
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Hmmm, well this really isn't a haiku. A haiku has a total of 17 syllables, and is normally set up in a 5-7-5 line formation.

Otherwise, this is pretty good, some capitals and punctuation, and you would have a pretty good start, here.

I like the first 4 lines, thought I think it would sound better 'We hurt, we cried' but that is just me.

Not bad.

*hugs*
Phil xxx

Re: Too Fast, Too Young (User Rating: 1 )
by MSU_freak on Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 06:12:05 PM AEST
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I messed up I never meant it to be Haiku it supposed to be Sad poetry, but you know, it happens!! thanks for the tips, i appreciate it!! (I changed the topic to Sad Poetry for you. - Moderator_16)

Re: Too Fast, Too Young (User Rating: 1 )
by MorningDove on Wednesday, 22nd March 2006 @ 06:27:01 PM AEST
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I am thrilled you are not Plath and just you. I like this. Philly is right, your structure is good but grammar needs a bit of work. Enjoyed this very much.

Rita

Re: Too Fast, Too Young (User Rating: 1 )
by darkangeleyes57 on Friday, 24th March 2006 @ 12:02:34 PM AEST
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This was excellent.. I loved this.. I know that feeling and it ended up pretty badly too..

take care
christina

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