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Array
(
[sid] => 116808
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Wolves at the Doorstep
[time] => 2006-03-21 18:23:43
[hometext] => An interesting one, if I may say...
[bodytext] =>  I could leave this all behind, but I want it so bad. I want the fire in your soul. I want the blood in your veins. I want to control what happens, but you can’t know….you’ll never know why I can’t lose you now. My life is in the balance. Hold me tightly; I don’t care if I can breathe. Push my head under the water and watch my life ebb away. I’m burning, my fingers hold flame. Lightening crashes around me, the darkness sweeps in with the wind, and the flame from my eyes is all that guides me through the night. I pretend to try. I pretend to breathe when I don’t need it. I pretend I’m alive when I’m really dead inside. Dead as the stone outside. It’s haunting me. The wolf’s howl echoing like an omen in my head. His eyes are watching me from the trees. That black specter I thought I got rid of is following me. He wants my death, can you save me? Like hell, I’m waiting. Like hell, I’m running. I’m failing as my feet are hitting the ground. The razor in my hand is growing heavy. My blood is thick against my skin. My heart beat echoes off the walls. Outside the wolves are waiting. And I’m running right back to them. I’m burning away in my own home. My own life is killing me again. With the wind, the darkness comes in and you’ve left me again. The silence calls me and I’m screaming again. Again no one can hear me cry. No one can see my tears. Why do they always leave me? I’m screaming but there’s no sound. The razor blade is so close but no blood comes. My heart stops in my chest, and my breath is still. Back in the dead-zone I am. Nothing moves, except for the hungry wolves at my side. Where is the silver one? He’s not hear… I scream as my throat closes and the black wolf is pulling me away into that cold realm. He drags me back by the throat. I’m screaming your name as he drags me away, but you can’t hear me. You can’t hear me… AND I SCREAM YOUR NAME!!!!! I’m screaming so loud, but silence only comes back. I’m crying tears of blood staining the darkness red. Everything dizzy and my head is fogging, everything goes away…. I wake up, empty glasses of alcohol by my head. The computer screen glowing like a torch at night. Dried tears stain my face. As well as dried blood, but no cuts mar me. I’m saying your name, but you won’t call me, you won’t know I’ve been saying your name all night long as the wolves tore me apart. I could end this all right now, kill myself and let everyone live their lives. I could end all the pain now, but I want to live so much. I want to be with you till the end… My heart beats slowly…slowly like each breath. I’m not leaving yet. I’m saying your name like an incantation, but the phone won’t ring. I’ll remind you why you love me tonight while reminding myself why I want to live. I’m not leaving yet. ***** the darkness. I’m wiping my face clean and composing myself, hiding that pain away so carefully. You’ll never see it again, because I’m not leaving yet, but I cringe when I still see wolves at my doorstep. [comments] => 2 [counter] => 182 [topic] => 13 [informant] => MG_Akela22090 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => DarkPoetry )
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