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Array
(
[sid] => 116291
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => What am i doing
[time] => 2006-03-12 14:39:24
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] => What am I doing What the ***** going on this isn’t like me leading him on but im not thinking or the times I do I pull away he’s so confused looking at me “please stay” why do I keep doing this as soon as it ends I can see that im playing with his emotions someone’s going to get hurt and its not me plus inside all this madness I like someone else why must I keep doing this am I attempting to punish myself cause it kills me to hurt him I can see it all now I must try and stop this the only question is how because in those moments I think it might just be ok but after its over it wont stand the light of day cause it was just another act another lie to myself this is driving me crazy questioning my mental health what am I doing I know this is wrong but time after time I keep playing along but as soon as were home things will go back the same he will look over at me and wonder am I insane maybe I am that’s the only thing I can see to continue this game that hurts him and hurts me I know I must stop this I will find some way but until then I warn you JUST STAY AWAY [comments] => 2 [counter] => 198 [topic] => 48 [informant] => Amazon [notes] => |||||||Edited for profanity. ♦Moderator_14♦||||||| [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => EmotionalPoetry )
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