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Array ( [sid] => 115255 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Hedonism [time] => 2006-02-23 08:55:21 [hometext] => Pain is neccessary. Evil is neccessary. Suffering is neccessary. [bodytext] => Nausea lurching on an untrembling cliff.
Branches reaching out to the sea of abyss.
These sombre thoughts metamorphose,
A state.
Of metastasis.

A clasp of narcosis now relinquished
Positivity in nascent.
Fetters need not be removed by a form of ectomy
As this pain is now exiguous.

Our lives become ambiguous
Not merely a medium for atavistic desires
Or hedonistic devices
But also a vessel to carry the cargo of despair
Atop these crumpled waves
During carnal days. [comments] => 3 [counter] => 251 [topic] => 68 [informant] => Caviglia [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 0 [ratings] => 0 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => fictional )

Hedonism

Contributed by Caviglia on Thursday, 23rd February 2006 @ 08:55:21 AM in AEST
Topic: fictional

Nausea lurching on an untrembling cliff.
Branches reaching out to the sea of abyss.
These sombre thoughts metamorphose,
A state.
Of metastasis.

A clasp of narcosis now relinquished
Positivity in nascent.
Fetters need not be removed by a form of ectomy
As this pain is now exiguous.

Our lives become ambiguous
Not merely a medium for atavistic desires
Or hedonistic devices
But also a vessel to carry the cargo of despair
Atop these crumpled waves
During carnal days.

Copyright © Caviglia ... [ 2006-02-23 08:55:21]
(Date/Time posted on site)

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Re: Hedonism (User Rating: 1 )
by oldschool on Thursday, 23rd February 2006 @ 09:42:03 AM AEST
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I think the message here is strong but the wording is far to complex. For example: "Fetters need not be removed by a form of ectomy as this pain is now exiguous". Way to extraneous. On the other hand " But also a vessel to carry the cargo of despair atop these crumpled waves" is wonderfully worded yet simple and straight forward. The best poets use simple words but weave them in a brilliant way. good job.

Re: Hedonism (User Rating: 1 )
by boobiepeach on Thursday, 23rd February 2006 @ 12:42:33 PM AEST
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Pain is neccessary. Evil is neccessary. Suffering is neccessary
all so true
great visual with the waves!
wonderful write

peach

Re: Hedonism (User Rating: 1 )
by felicitous on Sunday, 12th March 2006 @ 07:18:51 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

i agree with you up there. impressive vocabulary but the eloquent wording overrides the meaning, and nothing should detract from the truth in your write.

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