Your Poetry Dot Com

Welcome to Your Poetry Dot Com - Read, Rate, Comment on, or Submit Poetry. Browse Poetry Forums, or just enjoy other parts of our poetic community.
One of the largest databases of poetry on the net, now over 198,500+ poems!

Poems On Site: 198,500+ Comments On Poems: 427,000+ Forum Posts: 105,000+

Custom Search


Welcome !	Home · FAQ · Topics · Web Links · Your Account · Submit Poetry · Top 30 · OldSite Link	29-May 18:00:33 AEST

Menu

· Our eBay Store

· Error Submit

Poetry

· Submit Poetry

· Least Read Poems

· Members Listing

· Old Site Post 2001

· Old Site Pre 2001

· Poetry Archive

· Public Domain Poetry

Stories

· Stories (NEW ! )

· Submit Story

· Story Topics

· Stories Archive

· Story Search

Community

· Our Poetry Forums

· Our Arcade
100's of Games !

Site Help

· FAQ

· Feedback

Members Areas

· Your Account

· Members Journals

· Premium Sign-Up

Premium Section

· Special Section

· Premium Poems

· Premium Submit

· Premium Search

· Premium Archive

· Premium Topics

Fun & Games

· Jokes

· Bubble Puzzle

· Cross Word Easy

· Word Hunt

Reference

· Dictionary (Rhyming)

· Site Updates

· Special Content

Search

Top

Help This Site

· Donations

Others

· Moderators

Our Other Sites

· Embroidery Design Store
· Your Jokes
· Special Urls
· JM Embroideries
· Public Domain Poetry and Stories
· Diamond Dotz
· Cooking Info and Recipes
· Quoof - Australian Story

Social

Array ( [sid] => 114467 [catid] => 1 [aid] => mick [title] => Plastic You [time] => 2006-02-08 01:26:48 [hometext] => ~how many times must i touch you, until satisfaction i find, my fingers knowing you're plastic but continuing to deceive my mind~weepingprophet [bodytext] => layers of us fall silent
the still hush of lies
we've undressed the best
rid the womb of disguise

your taste fresh in my mouth
bitter and rotting, sour
endless, relentless abyss
dreading the final hour

how many times must i touch you
until satisfaction i find?
my fingers knowing you're plastic
but continuing to decieve my mind

let the passion take flame
your plastic lies revealed
melt away all you defame
free all the pain concealed

bitter i taste you still
unable to release my regret
silently growing the will
my soul so endlessly beset

layers of you fall silent
the still hush of you, lies
the pain that i taste
is such a disgrace

how many times must i touch you
until satisfaction i find?
my fingers knowing you're plastic
but continuing to decieve my mind

[comments] => 3 [counter] => 202 [topic] => 55 [informant] => weepingprophet [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 8 [ratings] => 2 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => dedicatedpoems )

Plastic You

Contributed by weepingprophet on Wednesday, 8th February 2006 @ 01:26:48 AM in AEST
Topic: dedicatedpoems

layers of us fall silent
the still hush of lies
we've undressed the best
rid the womb of disguise

your taste fresh in my mouth
bitter and rotting, sour
endless, relentless abyss
dreading the final hour

how many times must i touch you
until satisfaction i find?
my fingers knowing you're plastic
but continuing to decieve my mind

let the passion take flame
your plastic lies revealed
melt away all you defame
free all the pain concealed

bitter i taste you still
unable to release my regret
silently growing the will
my soul so endlessly beset

layers of you fall silent
the still hush of you, lies
the pain that i taste
is such a disgrace

how many times must i touch you
until satisfaction i find?
my fingers knowing you're plastic
but continuing to decieve my mind

Copyright © weepingprophet ... [ 2006-02-08 01:26:48]
(Date/Time posted on site)

Advertisments:

Previous Posted Poem | | Next Posted Poem

Sorry, comments are no longer allowed for anonymous, please register for a free membership to access this feature and more

All comments are owned by the poster. Your Poetry Dot Com is not responsible for the content of any comment.
That said, if you find an offensive comment, please contact via the FeedBack Form with details, including poem title etc.

Re: Plastic You (User Rating: 1 )
by Former_Member on Wednesday, 8th February 2006 @ 04:14:51 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Because I see a tremendous talent here in your words and for the most part I was captivated by this poem I am going to break down two problems I have with it, in order to hopefully get you to be a little more patient with your pen.

First of all giving away the last stanza as a comment is not a good idea at all. As a reader we work for the final stanza. Here you give it away. I know this is not a comment on your poem itself, but with the way this site is set up it made me a little disappointment with the finality. Also, giving us a taste of your poem with a line, couplet, or a stanza is all in all good salesmanship. It may draw some more readers who might otherwise not click on the poem, but it really de lines the poem. With your talent I would not suggest doing this again.

We (the reader) should come in complain unknowing of the poem itself. if we tend to ignore the poem and not click on it, that is our loss.

The other problem is one uncomfortable couplet in a stanza that began as your most powerful in the poem. (seen below)

"Layers of you fall silent
the still hush of you, lies" (powerful beginning for a stanza!)

"The pain that I taste
is such a disgrace." - destroys the stanza's power and I think your pintail intention. It is a skip in the flow of this otherwise flawless poem. But it is what makes this poem from a borderline 4 or 5 star poem to a solid 3.

I am not a professional critic. I do not consider myself a great poet. This poem, however seemed to scream for patience. Another minute or two on this poem would have made it a fantastic write. Rushing through it (as I feel you did) makes it simply good.

I do, however see enormous talent here so please take this criticism constructively not spitefully. I have read some more of your stuff and there is an exceptional talent in your hand. I just think here the hand wrote faster than the soul.

Good write!

- SCM

Re: Plastic You (User Rating: 1 )
by Hatchetman on Wednesday, 8th February 2006 @ 06:26:13 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

Very good write...This poem makes me think of a relationship I had in the past...Any poem that makes u relate to something personally is a good one by me...Keep up the great writing...

~Ryan~

Re: Plastic You (User Rating: 1 )
by Elisabeth on Tuesday, 26th September 2006 @ 12:25:53 AM AEST
(User Info | Send a Message)

We're all just human, right? I like this one.

While every care is taken to ensure the general sites content is family safe, our moderators cannot be in all places; all the time. Please report poetry and or comments that are in breach of our site rules HERE (Please include poem title or url). Parents also please ensure that you supervise your children well when they are on the internet; regardless of what a site says about being, or being considered, child-safe.

Poetry is much like a great photo, a single "moment in time" capturing many feelings and emotions. Yet, they are very alive; creating stirrings within the readers who form visual "pictures" of the expressed emotions within the Poem. ©

Opinions expressed in the poetry, comments, forums etc. on this site are not necessarily those of this site, its owners and/or operators; but of the individuals who post items to this site.
Frequently Asked Questions | | | Privacy Policy | | | Contact Webmaster

All submitted items are Copyright © to their submitter. All the rest Copyright © 2002-2050 by Your Poetry Dot Com

All logos and trademarks in this site are property of their respective owners.

Script Generation Time: 0.052 Seconds. - View our Site Map | .© your-poetry.com