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Array
(
[sid] => 114318
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Mental Disease
[time] => 2006-02-05 22:04:01
[hometext] => this is my curse this is my pain that i have to live through every day
[bodytext] => I hate calling it an illness It is far worse than that It courses through my very being And I can get none of that back I awaken in a dream To discover, I have not awakened at all Try to decipher a voice of reason But there isn't anyone for me to call Blame it on traumatic experiences But, even I am not that sure It doesn't explain away all the other stuff My paranoia, steadily, runs pure Intense emotions plague me Day in and day out I just try to make myself better Never knowing what half of me is about I want to, but... I don't trust anyone Too ashamed to let someone in Twisted and gnarled inside Awaiting these mental games to begin. Again! I have no control over what my own mind does to me I'm freaked out and running scared This mind of mine is against me, can't you see? This is why I don't want to be here! How is discussing all the bad things that happened to me Supposed to bring about some magic solution? Will this cause the night terrors to end in me? Psyche drugs and counseling; is this, your only resolution? It doesn't stop this terror in my mind Or stop my mind from terrorizing my heart I fear the worlds intentions for me And it is tearing my whole life, apart Too bad you can't see inside of me Or you will know how condemned I feel Enough with your psycho babble *** This mental disease is for real! And it is destroying me, piece by piece I am crawling within my own flesh To know that suicide, will one day, be the end of me Hating my life; even when I am at my very best I slipped into a catatonic state once, I couldn't even scream Crippled in agony of loss and defeat, I just could no longer take How brutal it is to relive your nightmares, again and again When you are completely aware, though paralyzed, and wide awake My own mind is like a thief in the night I wonder how much more of me it will steal With all these mental disorders and illness' I have Compound them together... And you have a mental disease that is very real And very dangerous for people just like me And with no cure in sight to be found Making it necessary to kill this disease Even if the consequences means that, I, too... Will be laid into the ground At least my mind will be still and quiet Schizophrenia, no longer causing my heart to pound And my spirit can finally, and peacefully, rest No longer unsettled by imagined fears, visions or sounds. [comments] => 1 [counter] => 153 [topic] => 39 [informant] => rationality [notes] => |||||||This submission has been partially edited out, due to the use of letters and a forward-slash mark to indicate a banned word. Note: Failure to adhere to site rules can result in the termination of your membership. Consider yourself warned! Thank you. ♦Moderator_14♦||||||| [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 5 [ratings] => 1 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Grief )
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