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Array
(
[sid] => 111695
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => How Does It Feel?
[time] => 2005-12-18 08:04:18
[hometext] =>
[bodytext] =>  There are some things that will never go away. That night my wrists bled, I’ll never forget it. It haunts me, and now I wonder if I can redeem myself. I’m so sorry, I’m regretting everything. I’m so sorry I let you all down. I’m so sorry, can you ever forgive me? All those words you yell at me… *****! Quit hating yourself! Just stop! How does it feel? It feels like pain. It feels like the floor has vanished. It feels like I’m dying, but I never wake up. How does it feel? It feels like everyone is leaving again. I can’t stop crying. The tears keep coming. My weakness is I can’t handle knowing I’ve hurt everyone who’s ever loved me. I’ve pushed everything good away. How does it feel? It feels like I’ve lost everything…. Staring down at my blood I know the pain is real. But where does the fantasy end? I can feel you, but I can’t feel myself. When you scream at me, I feel your pain and not my own. When does my life come back? All those words you say are killing me. Am I really that horrible? What have I done? I stare up into the sky and down at the scars on my wrists. When did I lose it all? How does it feel? It feels like death. When I stared down the barrel of a gun wishing for a bullet, I didn’t feel anything, but when you called me a *****, I felt that like a stab in my gut. Just stop! You scream. Stop being a *****! Stop doing that! I’ll leave you if you don’t… You mean nothing… And I cry! I cry. You couldn’t have hurt me more if you had beaten me. How does it feel? It feels like putting that gun to your head. It feels like watching a man die for no reason leaving a broken family behind for ruin. It feels like your hands strangling the life from me. It feels like the darkness taking over. The voice is constricted in my throat, I want to scream but I’m bleeding instead. You’re the only one who can save me. Take all this pain away! I’m standing here tears streaming down my body to mix with my blood. I love you; I’m not going to give up. I’m going to live for you Why can’t you live for me? How does it feel? It feels like everyday of the last fifteen years… I’ve followed everyone. I’ve stayed back and enjoyed the ride and here I am regretting doing that. Why can’t you follow me? Why can’t you put your life in my hands? Let me lead you. Why can’t you trust me to take you away form all this? How does it feel? It feels like I am alone. How does it feel? How does it feel? How does it feel? HOW DOES IT ***** FEEL? It feels like watching my life on television screen, you can’t change anything that happens on the other side because it’s already happened. It’s just a re-run. How does it feel? It feels like nothing. How does it feel to you? Because everytime you scream at me I get farther away. How long will it be until I finally disappear? I'm beaten down. I got no more life to give. I want to write more, but my hand is tired from the repeated beatings with a knife. Just know that you've given me everything, but you've taken it all away to. How does it feel now?- [comments] => 2 [counter] => 473 [topic] => 75 [informant] => MG_Akela22090 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 20 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => anguished )
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