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Array
(
[sid] => 111329
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => Careless Ranting of a Freak Now at Peace
[time] => 2005-12-12 09:53:31
[hometext] => Just a ranting of things past, things come, and things in my life at this time of bittersweet strife
[bodytext] => Shunned and isolated within my own home. No one understands all this pain that keeps growing. Fighting, writing, crying, whining. I’m an emotional mess, begging for a taste of your worldly innocence. No, I don’t want to bother you. I just need someone to listen. No, I don’t want to lean on you. I just need some logic and reason. I cannot bear to keep it all inside, I’m yearning to find someone in whom I can confide. I hate to sound so hopeless, such a coward that wants to give up. But some days I just don’t give a ****. All this nonsense of words and labels floating around me, Can’t someone just accept me for me? You call me emo, and some days I am. You call me goth, but that’s not really what I am. You call me a punk. Am I supposed to give a ****? You call me a freak. But no, I only am this week. I’m a constantly changing chamaeleon, repeatedly in a state of metamorphosis. Wind, Water, Fire, and Earth are my four deadly forces. Together they bring me peace, like suicide on lease. Wind and Earth, fuel my Fire that scorches my soul until I feel numb. Bearing a lack of immunity to my fate, I would succumb. Water is the goddess of perfection. She cleanses me of depression, the anxiety, and the intoxicating compulsion. Perfection does not come to me in life, but in death when with this life I am done. So, drown my misery and pain, letting my blood flow down the drain. Suffocate my mind, until my memory of this world is only pain. Smother my lungs with water until my heart stops beating. Plunge me into depths much too deep for me to keep breathing. You call me emo, and some days I am. You call me goth, but that’s not really what I am. You call me a punk. Am I supposed to give a ****? You call me a freak. But no, I only am this week. Tossing and turning in my bed at night, I replay the words, which we conversed during a fight. I know you apologized and that all should be okay, but inside my heart I know you’re not the only person who feels that way. I feel so isolated inside my home, and shunned by all the friends I used to know. Do you really think I want it this way? Do you really think I find this fun? Do you really think I’m a freak that will never again see the sun? It’s not my fault I am this way. I long for my life to be any other way. You only make it harder and more for me to bear when you turn your back on me and leave me to deal with all this on my own. I wish I could just talk to you, but I’m not sure you’d understand, I feel like such a freak whom no one will ever comprehend. I’m coping with so much, I don’t think I can deal. When Oh When, will my heart heal? Ironic to say it’s all in my head. But that is where you’d be misled. It is there in which the problem resides, but take a look inside my eyes. I am not making this up for attention. I am not trying to get out of anything with deception. I honestly can’t deal. I’m trying to heal. It would be nice to have a helping hand, or at the very least someone to understand. But, no. You find it easier to ignore me and call me names. But, guess what? Im sick and tired of playing your games. So I’m gonna move on without you. I can do this on my own. I don’t need to be your friend and I ain’t even gonna pretend. You are not worth my time if you are gonna treat me this way. So I close the door on your sorry face, putting you behind. You call me emo, and some days I am. You call me goth, but that’s not really what I am. You call me a punk. Am I supposed to give a ****? You call me a freak. But no, I only am this week. I don’t know why what you thought about me always had to hurt me so. It might not have hurt so bad when you ripped out my heart if my trust had never gone that far. But now I pay the consequence for letting the Fire touch the Earth. For letting you get to close to me and touching my heart. Now the trees are burning, the grass is all ablaze, now I see me running from all my hopeless days. I knew a friendship wouldn’t last, I am a loner by fate. But I took the risk, putting my heart in your hand. This human emotion, I will never understand. So call me emo and call me goth. Call me a punk. I honestly don’t give a ****. Call me a freak. At least I am not weak. I can take it, all this ****. It doesn’t hurt me anymore. No, not one bit. Dust to Dust. Ashes to Ashes. No more tears from this ghost of a girl. Emotions ran dry. The time ticked by. You are gone. She has moved on. Surrounded by a barrier. No one can ever get in. At least that’s what I thought until he came along. He took my heart away. Ironic we both feel that way. But now we are not alone. In his heart I’ve found a home. Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you. You are my only one. I let go, but there’s just no one that gets me like you do. You are my only one. My Love, my Hope, my Sun. The Wind in my hair. The Water we swim through together. The Fire in my eyes when I look at you and say I love you. The Earth is ours for the taking. So we go, leaving everyone behind. Our Love will never have to be testified. Because you are my only one and I am yours. “Forget everyone else”, you say as you hold me in your arms. So call me emo and call me goth. Call me a punk. I honestly don’t give a ****. Call me a freak. At least I am not weak. I can take it, all this ****. It doesn’t hurt me anymore. No, not one bit. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 189 [topic] => 21 [informant] => justme03 [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 11 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Lifepoems )
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