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Array
(
[sid] => 110982
[catid] => 1
[aid] => mick
[title] => The End {to be continued...}
[time] => 2005-12-05 18:13:24
[hometext] => This is not Goodbye Forever... though, I thought long and hard about it...
[bodytext] => Is it bad that I want to drown my sorrow in rivers of bittersweet intoxication? Wake up to a tequila sunrise and smell the foul air of yesterdays nothing? Dry heaves and laughter, smoldering tears, Of course, there’s always an endless supply of that, Sip them from a martini glass and relish the recklessness that resides In each droplet of melted melancholic memories… Nothing waits for me at the end of a bottle, Just more thirst for something that I don’t want nor need, Yet still I open another and drink from its nourishing, bitter mouth as if I haven’t drank anything in 2 millenniums… I want a hard drink, don’t care if it’s hot or cold, I need something that’ll make me numb, Because this blood that’s flowing from me is just making me feel more, Making me think more You stupid, stupid girl… Stop that. Stop thinking. You haven’t hit yourself hard enough! Bring the hammer down faster this time, don’t hesitate! You want to die, don’t you?! LET ME HELP YOU! My lips taste like rum and blood, I’ve bit too hard, trying to keep the screams from pouring out, Like elegant streams of Bailey’s Irish Cream, But no, they come out like broken glass and shards of metal, Razor sharp, and I can’t help but remember… Who I used to be… Is it bad that I want to smoke, sniff, inject, and swallow any type of drug that’ll make me fly? Never to come down, and if so, maybe I’ll crack my skull hard enough to bleed myself dry? I’m trembling from withdraw Of something that I’ve never had, My veins are clean, no sparks in my brain, But, always, there is the pain… I want to get so high that I won’t even remember who I am, {Who am I anyway?} Nor of this anguish, nor of my father, Nothing ever happened. I’ve just begun to soar, My destination’s not Heaven, And I know I’ll go to Hell once I get back, As payment for the ignorant and selfish things I’ve never done But am willing to do… Crank, PCP, LSD, Mary Jane’s, the whole damn crew, I want it all, desecrating me, KILLING ME But it doesn’t matter, because all I feel is electricity, And all I see are fabrications of my own twisted imagination, So everything is a sugar-coated deception, I’ll die with a smile on my face and a needle in my hand… Something inside me says that all of these things are horribly bad, Yet the voice that just wants an end to it all, Is whispering sweet delicious lies into my ear, And I feel myself succumbing… I feel myself slipping… Going… Going… Gone. [comments] => 4 [counter] => 287 [topic] => 36 [informant] => FleurdeSang [notes] => [ihome] => 0 [alanguage] => english [acomm] => 0 [haspoll] => 0 [pollID] => 0 [score] => 15 [ratings] => 4 [editpoem] => 1 [associated] => [topicname] => Suicide )
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